5/24/13—Reflecting On Your Health

Today's Draw: Seven of Fossils/Deer from the Animal Wisdom Tarot in the Health Outcome position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. What is swirling in the back of your mind causing stress? What do you think it's doing to your physical and emotional health? And what are you prepared to do about it?

I've been thinking a lot about health lately. For one thing, I'm in the midst of menopause and the jury is still out on how that will impact the next decades of my life as far as my health is concerned. I always had a level of respect for my period and my natural cycle. I never took a pill or anything like that to regulate it. Instead, I dealt with it naturally and approached birth control by other means. For me, that time of my month, as annoying, painful or messy as it could be, was also a time of release and detoxification...perhaps not in the literal sense, but in the way it felt for me. It was a healthy, necessary cycle. 

Then there's my diabetes and weight issues. I've struggled with weight—and sugar—all my life. A couple of years ago, when I was diagnosed with diabetes, I took it seriously and went super low carb, bringing my numbers down into the healthy range. Then I gave up, as usually happens when I feel restricted. And my blood sugar shot back up. Like many women, I find it easier to care for others than for myself. So I would observe myself in wonder as I carefully measured my dogs' grain-free, Omega-3-rich, healthy kibble into their bowls each day. Not just that, but if they so much as yelp, they go off to the doctor to see what's wrong. "Why didn't I care for myself the same way?", I wondered. 

I finally realized "restriction" was never a good diet alternative for me. So I changed the relationship I had with my nutritionist, Alana Sugar. She's a woman of many skills (and I recommend her highly.) And we began to work on my energy body and emotional body in regard to my diet, rather than my physical one. Very slowly, over time, my head is changing around this matter. Things I swore you'd never see me doing, like juicing vegetables, are now things I'm choosing to do because I'm curious and want to. Over the past couple of months, I have seen me make increasingly smarter choices, not because of a diet and not because I feel I have to, but because I want to. Because I'm finally ready to surrender to the notion of good health a way that makes it entirely my choice. It's spelling a bigger difference in my blood sugar fluctuations than in my weight right now, but momentum is building and this feels right and natural. 

But what took place yesterday is probably the reason why the cards came as they did today. Yesterday I went in for one of those new 3-D mammograms. Because my mother died from breast cancer at 56, I've been getting mammograms yearly since the age of 30. But a couple of years ago when I called to make my appointment, they said it was too soon...a year hadn't passed yet...and to call back. They wouldn't schedule me a couple of months ahead. So the ball dropped and I didn't get one that year or last year, either. 

So for two years worry has been swirling in the back of my head. What if? What if this is the year I truly need one and didn't get one? Both going and not going bring up fears for me. I've had a couple of biopsies before. One required breast surgery and the removal of tissue and that one left me with a large scar which traumatized me for a while. So all of it—going and not going—brings up anxiety until I actually do go and am declared "clear". Angelina Jolie's recent decision to have a double-mastectomy while she's still healthy is indicative of what many feel who have watched their mother die entirely too soon. 

After the mammogram, I sat in my car  wanting desperately to cry, but having a hard time doing so. I've really been feeling the stress of life the last few years, as I'm sure many do. Worry about money, concerns about career, the ever-present deadlines of my job, a busy schedule, keeping my house clean, getting my yard and garden in shape, concerns about my dogs, loss in my life...the stress of all of it produces unhealthy chemistry. I do meditate, which helps. And I've eliminated some of my extra "jobs" so I can have my weekends back. But yesterday after rushing around all day, doing errands and going to meetings, worrying about the dogs, pushing the clock...well, I just wanted to cry. And that's my body's way of saying "something's gotta give because the stress is taking a toll." I feel that way far too often lately. 

When I added all of this stuff up—the menopause and loss of that naturally healthy cycle, the weight issues, diabetes, increased worry of illness while aging and overall life stress—it became apparent to me that I really needed to take stock of my health and make some changes. And while I am currently making better choices, I realize I need to be even more proactive. Because the stress and worry of putting off positive health choices could be making me sick, you know?

I think most people have something that, overtly or not, swirls around in the back of the head causing stress. Maybe it's your job. Or your home situation. Or unfinished projects. Or some sort of insecurity. The stress of these things eats away at us. It may not be top of mind. But that doesn't mean it can't bore a hole in your spirit. And on some level it detrimentally affects our health. 

The Seven of Fossils comes to us today to tell us it's time to reflect on these things—including things we insist don't really bother us but, under the surface do—and see where we can make adjustments in our lives, specifically in the areas of health. The fact that it comes to us in the form of a deer also says to be gentle with yourself. As the cards indicate, I think this all came to ME to let me know this reflection is the outcome of the health issues I've been having lately. And, once reflected upon, the question for all of us is, "what are you going to do about it?"

For me, the answer is that I need to drink more liquids. Get more exercise. Do something that draws a line in my day, between the time I'm at work and the time I'm not (working at home and being on the computer through the night make for bad work boundaries.) Eat when I'm hungry, instead of when I can carve out some time to make something. Be more present, especially during those times I have R&R time. And meditate longer and more consistently. 

There are some things we can't change. I can't change that my workday plans can shift at a moment's notice as fires blow through, putting more pressure on already pressurized deadlines. That is the nature of my business. But I can change the way I respond to it and I can change other things in my life to counterbalance that stress. Not everybody can look forward to be healthier at 60 than they are at 50, but if I continue on the path I'm on, certainly that will be the case. That's the upside of being obese, diabetic, stressed out, sedentary and menopausal at the age of 50...haha. So...what do you get when you reflect on your own health forecast?

2/4/13—Learning the Outcome

Today's Draw: Wheel of Life in the Outcome position from the Margarete Petersen Tarot and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Is there something you're anxious to know the outcome of? Do you think we ever transcend all problems, even if it takes numerous lifetimes? What do you think that looks like?

Sometimes these draws with the Deck of 1000 Spreads are so perfect that I feel paranoid that you guys are going to think I draw certain cards on purpose, just to suit my agenda. I swear I don't!!! It's all random! Really!

The reason I say that is because today is one of those "perfect answer" days. And, of course, the question or position of Outcome is what everyone wants to know—how's it going to end? 

Well, according to today's card, it isn't. The wheel is a circle with beginning and no end. It just goes round and round. And while some things in our life may come to a close and we never have to deal with them again, for our souls, the cycle is eternal. 

In the next life, we'll do the same dances with the same people, though maybe we'll be on the other side of the table next time. And we've done the dance before, only this time maybe it wasn't so tragic as last time. Or maybe it's just like it was last time, but enough of the details have changed so as to make it look different. 

The same is true in this lifetime. For example, I could say I have nicer people in my life now than 30 years ago. But that's just my perception. I had as many nice people back then, but maybe gravitated toward the more troubled souls because I was one myself. So I didn't notice the nice people. 

The wheel keeps turning and thank god it does. Because with each turn it gives us another chance to get it right. And another chance to get it wrong...but maybe we've been making the right choices long enough that the wrong choices don't even stick to us anymore. 

Just today I was thinking about two situations where "the old me" would have made a different choice than the me today. And "the old me's" choices would have served only to stress me out and make me feel bad about myself. Which doesn't mean I'll never do anything that stresses me out or makes me feel about myself. Just that, for now, I've gotten past doing it in those particular ways. Today's outcome was good, but only temporary. And the wheel turns on. 

We make progress. We lift ourselves higher. We move our souls along on their journeys. But the story is ongoing. Once we reach a certain level of enlightenment, we might get the equivalent of "rich people's problems", but we still have problems. I mean, the Dalai Lama probably sometimes tires of being adored and having people hang on his every word. Those are enlightened people's problems...haha. 

Do we ever transcend? I'd like to think we do. Some schools of thought say at a certain level of enlightenment you don't have come back to the learning planes anymore. For all we know, there are planes of learning beyond "The Earth School". It occurs to me that, even if you learn it all and do it all and become a perfect being, you'll just be bored to tears. Being content all the time is really just the same as never changing. I mean, how good can content feel when it's the only thing available to feel?

So each of us probably has something in our lives right now that we're wondering about...how's it going to end? And the answer is, it's not. If you squint really hard and soften your focus enough, you might be able to see a strange kind of comfort in that. Everything is passing. And everything comes around again.