3/20/13—Channeling Energy

Today's Draw Classic*: Princess of Wands from the Rohrig Tarot. Do you often forget that there's an unlimited source of healing and energy for you to access? What is your practice for drawing that energy in? What do you most need to channel right now?

Today's card illustrates the energy exchange between humans and "source", most specifically the receipt of that energy. The words on this card include optimism and new beginnings. And the tiger in her hair is meant to signify sexual passions. But the crystal that's channeling light, along with two other phrases on the card—"enlarged perception" and "setting aside fear"—make me think of a channel that's always available to us to us from source. 

In one of the many Oprah/Iyanla shows I watch, one of them said something about how, if you have faith, you can't have fear. Think about it. It's true. Faith is the absence of fear. Faith puts trust where fear used to be. 

So how you do channel faith to replace your fear? Well, you could get nekkid in a G-string, arch your back and put a long, phallic crystal at your third eye, like the chick in the picture. Or another, more socially responsible way, would be to close your eyes and imagine a white light coming in from above into the crown of your head and down through your body. When you surround yourself in God's light like that, life feels safer. 

But what is really going to get you past fear is making a decision to believe in the notion that God brings you just what you need to fulfill your purpose here on earth. That everything is a lesson. There is no wasted experience. You are not brought to the edge of a precipice it wouldn't serve you to leap from. And there is a plan in place to serve your highest good and you can't possibly thwart it. Once you agree to that, then you just need to stop yourself every time you have a fearful thought and remind yourself of your commitment to that notion. 

But the lady in this picture isn't just channeling faith, she's channeling energy, too. And that's something I often forget...that I can replenish at any time, simply by surrounding myself in light and receiving it. Whether you call it God, source, the light or something else, when you draw that energy into you, it has significant powers to help you overcome fear, access energy, and heal yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. That's why so many call it simply "source". 

When I get done writing this, I think I'll channel a little peace and contentment. How about you? The 21 Day Meditation Challenge with Chopra and Oprah is a good place to start and it's not too late to join in. Sign up for it at Oprah.com. 

*Adapted from a post on 8/23/12

11/13/12—Absorbing the Mother

Today's Draw Classic: The Moon from the Rohrig Tarot. What have you inherited from your mother? Is it possible you've inherited more than just physical and personality traits? Do you have memories, leanings and wounds you can't account for?

The Moon card is a card of the unconscious, a place of our most primal urgings, nightmares, motivations, fears and emotions. It is where the seeds of creativity are planted. The place from which our fears rush forth. All those answers we spend our lifetimes seeking are locked within this frightening and alluring place. 

The symbol to the right of the moon is Othala, a rune symbol of inheritance. From time to time I think about the things we inherit from our parents...the things that are passed down from generation to generation. For example, I have my mother's Irish features. I have her poetic, spiritual soul. And I have a funny way of saying "ing" words that, apparently, is common in American children of British parents.

These are the kind of genetic and social inheritances we all know about. But what I sometimes think about is, is it possible to inherit psychic scars...traumas? For example, when one of my brothers was in my mother's womb, she had a sudden and dramatic fear of heights while standing on a mountaintop. That brother is the only one in our family that was born with a terrible fear of heights. My mother only had that phobia that one time. So it's like something in the chemical change that particular day was transferred to him and latched on to. 

So, to the degree that a mother who, say, smoked crack, passes that chemical dependency on to her children, can there be more subtle ways of exchanging chemically coded information in the womb? Can the same thing be said about thoughts? Aversions? Fears? Traumas? And other high-octane emotions, good or bad? All those things change the chemical makeup of a person.

My mother died when I was 21, so all those kinds of questions you might ask your mother as an adult never got asked by me. So many of the things I would be curious about are lost to the ether, because there's no one alive who has the answers. And some of the things I'd like to know are things only she could have answered anyway, because they're more the kind of questions you ask yourself. 

She was the oldest of five children. She was, we believe, sexually abused by her father. Then he abandoned the family and the mother went to work, leaving my mother with the children. Then the Germans bombed their home for a few years during WWII and my mother was in charge in rations, so she decided who would eat and how much. All of this before she was an adult.

How can that kind of persistent stress not change your entire chemical makeup? And how can that not affect any child you carry inside you, even years later? I often wonder if I carry some of those psychic wounds inside me...if they are the reason behind some of the fears and defenses that I can't seem to find the origin of when I poke around in my murky unconscious. And yet I debate whether the influence is entirely chemical or subtle social influences that occurred beneath my awareness. 

Likewise, my mother was born in India and the first couple of years of her life were spent living there and in Egypt. She was blessed by Ghandi. Some of her first words were in Hindustani. She was weaned on the mystical energies of pyramids, sun gods and Ganesha. Though my mother had no religious allegiance and rarely brought these things up, how come I've been SO fascinated by mysticism, polytheism and more earth or elementally based beliefs all my life? The only religion actually brought into our household and encouraged in any measure was Catholicism/Christianity.

The thing is, by the time I came along, she'd healed enough to be in a stable relationship with a good man who made her feel safe. My older siblings remember things that could be traced back to her childhood traumas, but by the time I rolled around in her mid-thirties, she didn't seem to carry those scars with her in a significant way anymore. But perhaps she did. And as for the spiritual stuff, more than anything for ME, the house was religion neutral or even religion-free. My siblings, however, were all raised Catholic.

It's an interesting thing to consider. I speak of my mother, of course, because a father only offers genes to the equation, while we absorb so much more from the mother during gestation. The plant may come from the fertilized seed, but it's significantly affected by the quality and chemical makeup of the soil it grows in. Of course so much of its "programming" comes from genes alone. So I debate. And waffle. And wonder. 

What do you think of all of this? Are there aspects of you that can't find the roots for in yourself, but you can see how the roots might extend to your mother? Do you think the origins occurred in vitro or were they passed to you through social means? And if you're a mother, can you see how some intense emotional moment that might have happened during your pregnancy shaped your child in some way?

*Adapted from a post originally made on 2/23/12

11/3/12-11/4/12—Enjoying Your Extra Hour

Weekend Reading: Four of Cups from the Rohrig Tarot—Luxury. Despite being a really cool card with a great word, "luxury", on it, this Four of Cups actually warns about the dangers of getting too much of a good thing. What it means is that, after the high of riches and good times comes an inevitable crash. The "crashed state" may actually be nothing worse than your normal state, but after the high, it can feel pretty crappy. So we should definitely have a great time this weekend and enjoy it to its fullest. In fact, we get an extra hour of fabulosity this weekend, adding to the goodness, abundance and luxury. But remember to keep everything in perspective. Monday will come and it will suck. But no more than any other Monday...unless you let it. 

8/23/12—Channeling Energy

Today's Draw: Princess of Wands from the Rohrig Tarot. Do you often forget that there's an unlimited source of healing and energy for you to access? What is your practice for drawing that energy in? What do you most need to channel right now?

While yesterday's post was about the sending and receiving of energy between humans, this card illustrates the energy exchange between humans and "source", most specifically the receipt of that energy.

The words on this card include optimism and new beginnings. And the tiger in her hair is meant to signify sexual passions. But the crystal that's channeling light, along with two other phrases on the card—"enlarged perception" and "setting aside fear"—make me think of that channel that's always available to us to us from source. 

In one of the many Oprah/Iyanla shows I watch, one of them said something about how, if you have faith, you can't have fear. Think about it. It's true. Faith is the absence of fear. Faith puts trust where fear used to be. 

So how you do channel faith to replace your fear? Well, you could get nekkid in a G-string, arch your back and put a long, phallic crystal at your third eye, like the chick in the picture. Or another, more socially responsible way, would be to close your eyes and imagine a white light coming in from above into the crown of your head and down through your body. When you surround yourself in God's light like that, life feels safer. 

But what is really going to get you past fear is making a decision to believe in the notion that God brings you just what you need to fulfill your purpose here on earth. That everything is a lesson. There is no wasted experience. You are not brought to the edge of a precipice it wouldn't serve you to leap from. And there is a plan in place to serve your highest good and you can't possibly thwart it. Once you agree to that, then you just need to stop yourself every time you have a fearful thought and remind yourself of your commitment to that notion. 

But the lady in this picture isn't just channeling faith, she's channeling energy, too. And that's something I often forget...that I can replenish at any time, simply by surrounding myself in light and receiving it. Whether you call it God, source, the light or something else, when you draw that energy into you, it has significant powers to help you overcome fear, access energy, and heal yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. That's why so many call it simply "source". 

When I get done writing this, I think I'll channel a little peace and contentment. How about you?

8/11/12-8/12/12—Making Tough Decisions

Weekend Reading: Seven of Swords from the Rohrig Tarot. One of the more subtle skills to acquire in this lifetime is to know when to keep trying and when to give up. There is honor in both options, but too often we're plagued by "what ifs" and doubts about choosing one of the two options too soon. This weekend you may be faced precisely that challenge—do you try one more time? Or do you just call it a day? This particular episode may be a good time to start developing your own system for checking in with your higher wisdom. 

I often do "gut checks" where I state one option to myself on my inhale, then monitor my exhale for signs of butterflies or discomfort in my gut that might indicate it's the wrong option to choose. If my gut relaxes and feels "right", then I know it's the right option to choose. Another option would be to meditate on the situation and see what answers come. Or you could imagine your life continuing in the current direction and see what that looks like. Then imagine it moving in the new direction and see which seems more attractive to you. People who are adept at using pendulums or other divination devices might want to consult their oracles. I know I often have to be reminded I have that option available to me. Or you could just ask yourself, "would I be able to live with myself if I never made the change or chose the other option?" Whatever you decide this weekend, though, know that most decisions can be undone. It may not be easy and, in some cases, it may require another person's buy-in, but sometimes just making a decision—any decision—can be the very solution you've been looking for to end the conflict within. 

8/4/12-8/5/12—Thinking Clearly

Weekend Reading: Ace of Swords from the Rohrig. Get ready for a moment of clarity this weekend. Maybe you'll see an old challenge differently. Maybe you'll light on a solution you've been seeking for a while. Or maybe you'll be hit with a eureka moment that could change your life! The Ace of Swords comes in and cuts through all the mental crap that stands in the way of productive thought and making the best possible decisions in your life. So welcome its energy and stay alert for its inspiration. Clarity is on the way!

6/28/12—Understanding That It's All Good

Today's Draw: Ten of Swords—Ruin—from the Rohrig Tarot, Part 2. Is there something about yourself that you've always wanted to change but can't? Is there someone really annoying in your life you can't get rid of? And is there some group of people—Republicans? Democrats? Jehovah's Witnesses?*—that just really chaps your ass?

Yesterday we considered how our ability to bounce back after "ruin" affects our ability to create peace in our lives. And today we address another aspect of the Ten of Swords—negative thinking.

I know what you're thinking..."I'm a very positive thinker, Tierney, so today's entry isn't for me, thank you!" Well, that may be. Or it may not be. Really, just closing yourself off to the possibility of discovering how you might become more positive is sort of a negative attitude to take, isn't it? Thinking you're "all that" is just as toxic as thinking you'll never be that. So, whatever, positive peeps. Stop reading! See if I care!!! :D

Thing is, even positive people (and I'm one of them) probably have something we're less than kind to ourselves about—a problem spot on our bodies or some bad habit we can't shake. Or maybe we have a pet peeve about others that sets us off when we see it. Or maybe there's someone in particular that raises our ire. Anything short of a pure, heartfelt "it's all good" is unproductive thinking that is counter to creating peace.

By means of illustration, one thing I hear people say all the time is "if so-and-so loves Jesus so much, why don't they act like it?" or "we're supposed to be a spiritual community, yet some of the people are acting less than spiritual". We've all heard stuff like this before and agreed with it. But have you ever considered how toxic it is?

First of all, it's a judgment. Second, the saying of it separates you from others, conveniently making you the morally superior one. And, third, if you're really so spiritual, why aren't you acting that way? :D

One of the most negative things we do is to not respect those on other paths. That drama queen you can't stand? She's on a different path. That narcissist who keeps annoying you? Different path. That careless man who never picks up his dog's poo? Different path. (Thank god!)

Not only are these people on a different path, their path intersects with yours for a reason, smartypants. Their brokenness is there to show you where your brokenness is. And it brings with it an opportunity for you to understand that, while you're commenting on their toxicity, you're being toxic yourself.

You might say, "I really don't spend too much time thinking about it" or "it's really just this one person," but this week's theme is creating more peace in our lives. And you're not doing that when you're looking over the fence and making commentary (or thinking) about someone's actions, no matter how annoying they are. You're also not doing it when you focus all that judgment on yourself.

Traditional Ten of Swords image.

The Ten of Swords is a card about how the mind defeats us, and it's also about how our separateness defeats us. In the traditional card, a fighter lays dead/dying with ten swords in his back, turned toward the sun, just rising on the horizon. In his last moments of surrender, we presume he is finally able to drink in the beauty that is all around him after a life spent fighting all the darkness and ugliness he perceived in the world. It was always "you vs. me" for this guy. Until his final moment, he literally didn't see the light. His arms are lifelessly positioned in the "as above, so below" position, suggesting that the perfection that exists everywhere in heaven, also exists here on earth.

We're all perfectly who we need to be for our appointed journey down here. And that's an intimate agreement we made with our god—it's no one else's business what that agreement is. The stories we tell ourselves about what is right and what is wrong are just that...stories. We have a system for keeping those who harm others out of the mainstream, but even they are on the path they came here to walk. And I know you know that intellectually. But until we can take that belief out of our heads and put it into our hearts, we will be keeping lasting peace forever on the horizon.

*Apologies to the Jehovah's Witnesses for cheap joke at their expense.

6/27/12—Viewing Life from the Perspective of the Soul

Today's Draw: Ten of Swords—Ruin—from the Rohrig Tarot, Part 1. Do setbacks have a tendency to really set you back? On the flip side, do you bounce back from things so quickly that you don't even take the time to honor their passing? Have you ever spent way too long mourning the loss of something in your life?

Day three of our weeklong reading on how to find more peace is the card "Ruin", a card of negative and unproductive thinking. So don't do that! OK? :) Actually, this card holds so much input into the matter of creating peace in our worlds that I'm going to address it in two parts, with the second part happening tomorrow.

Listen, not one of us is going scrape through life without something bad happening. We may be the victim of violence. Someone we love will die. Our marriage might end. Whatever it is, suddenly the life we knew is no longer. And we have no control over this. It's over.

Regardless, we will lose our sense of peace and balance over this. We need to feel. We need to mourn the old. But the key here is how long. And how we see the event in the overall context of our lives.

Some people will live for years telling themselves "my life is over" or "everything I cared about is gone". Some people will slip into depression or turn to drugs, numbing themselves to the pain. And some people will feel what they feel, take their lessons, then bounce back. This last quality has been cited on lists of things in common with both successful people and unusually old people. Your ability to bounce back contributes to both your success and longevity.

The faster you bounce back, the more peace you'll have, too. Buddhists teach that much of our suffering comes from attachment to things...non-acceptance of reality...wishing things were different. I also refer to it as pushing back against what is. Again, things need to be mourned. But things also need to be accepted and integrated.

Your marriage failed? Your life isn't over. Some might say it's really just beginning.

Someone you love died? You can love again. Dr. Phil once said something very good on this topic...the length and depth of your mourning has no relation to the length and depth of your love. They are two separate things. Being happy is not a betrayal of that love. In fact, anyone who loved you would want to see you happy, so it honors that love.

You were the victim of a crime? There's a lot to heal there. There's also a lot to learn and triumph over.

Most of the negative thoughts we think after a trauma are not true. They reflect our fears and feelings at the time. But there is a whole school of thought that can bring you back to peace. One thought is that there are no mistakes, only learning experiences. Another is that nothing is ever lost, it's just transformed. These two perspectives alone can bring you more peace, learning and healing than wallowing ever could.

There simply is no such thing as "ruin". Ruin happens when the foundation upon which you've built something is not substantial enough to hold what you've built. So ruin happens to show you where you need to build stronger foundations in your life. If someone died or a relationship ended and you "simply cannot go on", then your foundation of self-confidence, self-reliance and self-identity wasn't strong enough to support the relationship in the first place.

Nobody *is* your life. No state of being *is* your life. Nothing is permanent beyond your soul. And when you view life from the perspective of the soul, then you'll see "ruin" does not exist. And a world in which ruin does not exist is a more peaceful one, indeed.

4/11/12—Preparing for Takeoff

Today's Draw: The Fool from the Rohrig Tarot. Are you working your arse off on some goal right now? Do you feel like you're in a critical place where you need to keep your eye on every little thing, lest something go wrong? Has it ever occurred to you that you may actually be undermining your goals by putting forth so much effort?

You probably don't spend a lot of time considering the physical force of "lift". Normally, neither do I, but that has changed lately. 

Lift is the force that opposes the weight of an airplane so that, instead of succumbing to gravity, the plane stays in the air. The velocity and aerodynamics of the lifted object also play key roles in making lift happen. (Hopefully I got that right, because I have an oddly high concentration of pilot friends and I will hear about it if I'm wrong.)  ;)

Anyway, the idea of lift has come to me a few times over the last couple of days. In the abstract sense, lift is what happens when you "let go and let God". It's what happens when you're the "wind beneath my wings." Or when "Jesus takes the wheel." And it's also what happens when The Fool leaps into the unknown and trusts the universe to guide him safely to his destination. 

Lift is a universal force in physics. So, when you've got all the right elements working for you, it's always going to work. Anywhere in the universe. Anytime you start talking spiritually, however, there is a leap that needs to be taken to cover the chasm between fact and belief. Metaphysics or New Age thought posits that there are laws of the universe that also dictate the way the higher power's energy moves through our lives. Physicists often take issue with the way physical laws are applied to spirituality. They are scientists and they deal with fact and not faith. The leap between the two means nothing to them, because it can't be proven.

Traditional fool image

 

 

In addition, as much as I am a metaphysical believer, I acknowledge that we make things sound like fact that are often just belief, in the same way any religion does. For example, the Law of Attraction (like attracts like) isn't a scientific law. It's not a proven fact. There is no "Law of Attraction" in physics. You can google it all you want and find page upon page of entries of people saying it's a physical law. But none of those pages will be hosted by MIT or Cal Berkely or NASA or any other group that deals with actual physics. Because it's not a law of physics. If there was a scientific LAW that like attracted like, then magnets wouldn't repel each other, we wouldn't have the saying "opposites attract" and a positively charged ion wouldn't attract a negatively charged ion. It's not an absolute that like attracts like. Therefore it cannot be a law in the scientific sense. 

I say this, because a lot of what people call "quantum physics proving spiritual belief" is a misunderstanding or bending of quantum physics. I believe in metaphysical theory and have been studying/practicing for over 20 years. But it's not proven scientific fact as it's presented and I believe it's dangerous that people believe so. It's just as theoretical as Moses walking on water—something many will swear actually happened, yet it can't be proven. All we have is hearsay. So it's not a fact. It's a belief. I just want to get this out because I feel that if people are going to believe in this way, they should at least know the difference between physics and metaphysics...between scientifically proven laws and theory. Metaphysics is not science. It's a theoretical belief that tries to explain the unexplainable using information (often naively) extrapolated from scientific fact. It is not scientific fact itself. Which doesn't mean it's not true or real. It just means it hasn't yet been proven.

That said, I'm all about the "like attracts like". I've seen it happen a million times in my life. It absolutely works for me. I also feel energy working around me that can't be captured by scientific devices. I've spoken to people who are dead and people who may have never walked the earth and exist only in the spirit realm. We can attribute something like spirit energy to scientific laws of thermodynamics that say that energy (and EVERYTHING is energy) can neither be created, nor destroyed. It can only change forms. That is scientific fact. But it doesn't mean the energy of a human becomes a ghost when it changes forms. As much as I believe it to be true, it's not a fact. 

So I think it's clear now what I mean that there is a leap between fact and spirituality. At least as things exist today. And so I'm making a leap with this whole physical force of lift that I began talking about. And the leap I'm making is this—in tarot, the Fool jumps off the side of a mountain on a journey of self-knowledge, in complete faith that he is protected by the universe. And somehow he lands softly in exactly the place he needs to land to learn his next lesson. 

This whole idea of lift...of leaping and letting the universe cradle me to where I want to go...is showing up everywhere for me lately in messages like, "let spirit steer your vessel", "trust that the universe has got your back", and "the more you align with your purpose, the higher you'll soar." All beautiful messages, and ones that make you want to melt into the arms of your higher power. But seeing as how we're all control freaks, so hard to do. 

Like with the airplane, we need to symbolically loosen our grip enough to lay prostrate before the higher power—this is the aerodynamic form we need to take advantage of lift. Next we need to put forth enough effort to take off and achieve altitude. Then we just need to allow gravity to support us from below and lift to keep us soaring, putting forth effort now and then as needed to keep momentum/velocity going. Just like with the plane, most of your energy will be used taking your first steps toward your goal. From there forward, the universe has got your back. Though, again, not a scientific law, this is what Deepak Chopra calls the Law of Least Effort. If you're running around like a chicken with your head cut off, it's a sign you're not allowing the universe to do its job.

Mike Dooley says it another way. He says our job is defining the "what" and God's job is defining the "how". I love that, because it's not only saying it's as simple as placing an order, but there's a hidden gem in there. When you're running around trying to figure out HOW to make things happen—or trying to dictate how things will happen—you're not letting the universe do its job (does the plane micromanage the universe on how to create lift? Or does it just trust and utilize the natural force?) And when you're not grateful for the WAY the universe is delivering on your order—because it's not the way you imagined it happening or because things are looking worse before they looks better—then you're basically telling the all powerful that you know better than they do. You're effectively canceling your order. 

So that's what I've been thinking about lift lately. Lord, these entries get long! I just feel I have so much to share sometimes. I had an amazing session with an energy healer today and the whole idea of lift was driven home to me in ways that spoke directly to the core of what is going on in my life, why I'm feeling so restless and what I need to do to continue forth on my journey. Maybe that story will come out another day. But what does the spiritual concept of "lift" mean to you? Do you feel like you're soaring higher lately? Or does "lift" make you realize you're working too hard and not letting the universe work for you?

If you're on Facebook, you can go to http://thedailytarotdraw.blogspot.com/ for links to information on some of the the metaphysical theories and scientific laws discussed in this essay.

2/23/12—Absorbing the Mother

Today's Draw: The Moon from the Rohrig Tarot. What have you inherited from your mother? Is it possible you've inherited more than just physical and personality traits? Do you have memories, leanings and wounds you can't account for?

The Moon card is a card of the unconscious, a place of our most primal urgings, nightmares, motivations, fears and emotions. It is where the seeds of creativity are planted. The place from which our fears rush forth. All those answers we spend our lifetimes seeking are locked within this frightening and alluring place. 

The symbol to the right of the moon is Othala, a rune symbol of inheritance. From time to time I think about the things we inherit from our parents...the things that are passed down from generation to generation. For example, I have my mother's Irish features. I have her poetic, spiritual soul. And I have a funny way of saying "ing" words that, apparently, is common in American children of British parents.

These are the kind of genetic and social inheritances we all know about. But what I sometimes think about is, is it possible to inherit psychic scars...traumas? For example, when one of my brothers was in my mother's womb, she had a sudden and dramatic fear of heights while standing on a mountaintop. That brother is the only one in our family that was born with a terrible fear of heights. My mother only had that phobia that one time. So it's like something in the chemical change that particular day was transferred to him and latched on to. 

So, to the degree that a mother who, say, smoked crack, passes that chemical dependency on to her children, can there be more subtle ways of exchanging chemically coded information in the womb? Can the same thing be said about thoughts? Aversions? Fears? Traumas? And other high-octane emotions, good or bad? All those things change the chemical makeup of a person.

My mother died when I was 21, so all those kinds of questions you might ask your mother as an adult never got asked by me. So many of the things I would be curious about are lost to the ether, because there's no one alive who has the answers. And some of the things I'd like to know are things only she could have answered anyway, because they're more the kind of questions you ask yourself. 

She was the oldest of five children. She was, we believe, sexually abused by her father. Then he abandoned the family and the mother went to work, leaving my mother with the children. Then the Germans bombed their home for a few years during WWII and my mother was in charge in rations, so she decided who would eat and how much. All of this before she was an adult.

How can that kind of persistent stress not change your entire chemical makeup? And how can that not affect any child you carry inside you, even years later? I often wonder if I carry some of those psychic wounds inside me...if they are the reason behind some of the fears and defenses that I can't seem to find the origin of when I poke around in my murky unconscious.

Likewise, my mother was born in India and the first couple of years of her life were spent living there and in Egypt. She was blessed by Ghandi. Some of her first words were in Hindustani. She was weaned on the mystical energies of pyramids, sun gods and Ganesha. Though my mother had no religious allegiance and rarely brought these things up, how come I've been SO fascinated by mysticism, polytheism and more earth or elementally based beliefs all my life? The only religion actually brought into our household and encouraged in any measure was Catholicism/Christianity.

It's a slippery slope, because who's to say it's not behaviorally inherited from the way she carried herself in the world? The thing is, by the time I came along, she'd healed enough to be in a stable relationship with a good man who made her feel safe. My older siblings remember things that could be traced back to her childhood traumas, but by the time I rolled around in her mid-thirties, she didn't seem to carry those scars with her in a significant way anymore. But perhaps she did. And as for the spiritual stuff, more than anything for ME, the house was religion neutral or even religion-free. My siblings, however, were all raised Catholic.

It's an interesting thing to consider. I speak of my mother, of course, because a father only offers genes to the equation. And while I do often wonder if some of this stuff is encoded in the genes, only the mother offers the environment for growth. The plant may come from the fertilized seed, but it's significantly affected by the quality and chemical makeup of the soil it grows in.

What do you think of all of this? Are there aspects of you that can't find the roots for in yourself, but you can see how the roots might extend to your mother? Do you think the origins occurred in vitro or were they passed to you through social means? And if you're a mother, can you see how some intense emotional moment that might have happened during your pregnancy shaped your child in some way?