5/30/13—Uncovering the Secret to Happiness

Today's Draw: Ten of Cups from Tarot Illuminati in the Attitudes and Thoughts position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Where do you fit in at this stage of your life where happiness is concerned? When you look at the picture on this card, do you think "what's their secret?" Or do you think, "hey, they look just like me?"

Hooray! Today you get one of the happiest. Cards. Ever. And you know why everyone on this card is so happy? As you'll notice, they have no fence to look over, so they can't compare their life to the lives of others. And they have no satellite dish on their house beaming messages from the advertisers and media about what they should have, what they should look like and who they should be. 

Instead, they just know they love each other. They know they're surrounded by beauty. They know their humble home is enough. They're warm and fed and clean. What's more to want? Chances are you have all those same things. Are you as happy?

Our attitudes and thoughts alone can change our entire world. My own life changed drastically when I stopped seeing myself as single and alone and started seeing myself as the matriarch of a family that included three dogs. My sense of how much love I had in my life changed when I gave myself permission to count dog love and self love as part of my love bucket. 

In fact, most of the time I feel far more fortunate than the standard nuclear family because, let's face it, nobody loves you like a dog loves you. They're never mad at you. Their entire worlds stop when they catch sight of you. See what I'm getting at? Nothing changed outside of me to change the way I felt about my life. What changed was *inside* of me. 

The difference between happy and trying to be happy is all on where you place your attention. Are you focusing on what you need to make yourself happy? Or are you focusing on what you have that makes you happy? If you tend toward the former, you will never be happy. Because your happiness is dependent on some set of circumstances you'll never attain. Because the minute you catch up to one circumstance, another goal comes in sight. All you train your vision on is lack, so lack is all you see. 

If you focus on what you already have that makes you happy, then everything you see is something that brings you joy. And when you show gratitude for those things, more of that stuff enters your life. It really is as simple as "what you focus on grows in your life". Focus on lack and the lack gets bigger. Focus on fulfillment and the fulfillment gets bigger. 

It's hard not to compare yourself to others or to some ideal that doesn't. Our society makes it hard. And people wear masks to appear happy when they're really not. So it seems like others have some secret we don't...they married smarter, work smarter, have better kids...whatever. But here's their secret—either they're not really happy, or they focus on what they have and not what they lack. It's the only secret you need to know. And it's as easy to attain as it is to stop biting your fingernails or break any other habit you may have. The only thing that stands between you and the Ten of Cups is...you. 

1/11/13—Asking Your Heart

Today's Draw: Harmony from the Osho Zen Tarot. Have you ever put the aspects of your life to a "heart test" to see what's authentic to you? What parts of your life make you feel larger? What parts make you feel smaller?

For the last day of "overcoming false limitations" week, we get a card about listening to your heart. This card wants us to forget what we've been told about who we are and what we're capable of...to ignore all the "yes, buts" in your head...and let your heart guide you through the world. Of course, the difficulty is learning which voice is that of your heart and which isn't. 

One thing I would suggest is to get quiet and become aware of your heart center. Think of that space as a muscle that can expand and contract. When it contracts, it closes. When it expands, it opens up. So, in this quiet time, focused on that heart center, visualize different possibilities. Visualize yourself as you are today. How does that feel? How expanded or contracted is your heart? Get familiar with where there's tension inside. And consider this your "control" heart feeling. 

Next, visualize yourself doing something you love...snuggling with your puppies, hiking in the woods, etc. And feel how the tension releases. Doing this will help you feel how things feel differently when you run them past your heart. 

Now that you've got that down, start trying out different scenarios from your life. What makes the heart contract? What makes the heart expand? What feels more neutral? Take note of the things that make your heart contract. Let's say your job makes your heart feel tighter and harder. If that's the case, then we know your job isn't alignment with your heart. Now test your overall career. If that feels good, but the job feels bad, then that's as "simple" as getting a new job or changing some aspect of your current one that is holding you back. But if your career is also out of alignment, then you know you've identified a place where you haven't made a decision authentic to you. 

I remember my father wanted me to join the military because it would be a stable career. He tried to steer me in that direction many times. And he really didn't like me working in advertising. He saw it as dishonest work that paid poorly. And I suppose it can be. I suppose most careers can have a slime factor. But my experience is that most advertising people are ethical and really want to serve their mission, just like in the military. 

My father died before I really had any sort of success in my career. I can see him forever maintaining there is no value to the industry, but I can't imagine he wouldn't be proud of my self employment and all the awards I've won. And the whole tarot thing wouldn't make him happy either, but I also think he'd be proud that his daughter is a published author. But for every person out there that ignored their parent's advice because they knew what they wanted from life, there's at least one other person who didn't know what they wanted. So they made choices based on criteria other than what their heart said. 

Further, there are people who get married because it's what people do. People who have children because their spouse wants them. People who make choices based on status. People who make choices just to be defiant. And people who choose NOT to do something, because what would people say? Every nuance of our lives is subject to being shaped by outside pressure. And because we develop monetary dependencies, buy into long-term responsibilities or even just develop habits around these aspects of our lives, we sometimes feel trapped. I mean, people my age have devoted half their lives to becoming an expert at their career. They can't change now! 

Well, they can. These things are all false limitations. And if these things don't open your heart, then they're not authentic to you. At least not anymore. In the case of children, I think you need to just suck it up and be a parent, unless being a parent makes you so bitter and toxic that it's harmful to the children. But in most other cases, your heart check will point right toward someplace where you're not being true to yourself. And if you don't know what you want, you can heart test options to find something that can work for you. 

This all comes back to my favorite quote, which I heard from David Whyte, the poet—"move toward that which makes you larger." An expanding heart makes you feel larger. Moving toward a neutral heart just keeps you a blah rut. And if you keep moving toward things that make feel smaller, you've really got to stop to ask yourself why. Yet it's a choice many of us make every day in some aspect our lives. And it's a situation we should literally take to heart.

5/15/12—Thanking You for Your Support

Today's Draw: Ten of Cups from the Art of Life Tarot. Who can you count on to always make you happy? Who or what "makes your soul blossom"? And is there someone you can think of to show gratitude toward today?

The Art of Life Tarot is a new deck that features classic paintings in conjunction with classic quotes. If you can't see the caption in the card, the painting is The Gardener's Daughter by Edward Henry Wehnert. And the quote from Marcel Proust reads, "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

If you're a regular reader, you know that my brother died a few weeks ago. And in the weeks leading up to his death and in those following it, I've been blessed by a number of people who have given me support. In lieu of mentioning names and possibly leaving someone out, I'll just speak to some of the kindnesses I've received. 

There was the old school buddy who listened to me, distracted me, confided in me and made me feel loved and cared for on the night my brother died. My brother died after midnight and this gentleman comforted me until the wee hours of the morning. That is a kindness I'll never forget because he had to be somewhere early that morning and he willingly and generously gave up his sleep to be there for me. 

Then there were the Facebook friends and readers of this blog who extended themselves in ways that make them more than Facebook friends and readers...sending cards, checking in on me regularly, lending an ear and just letting me know someone was thinking of me and feeling my pain. 

There was the childhood (and adulthood) friend who left a plant on my doorstep with a nice note just to brighten my day. Other childhood friends who sent cards with beautiful thoughts. The clients who put aside deadlines and expressed concern. The friends who listened to me whine about this and that. And all the literally more than a hundred people who offered their condolences on my Facebook page and through messages. 

Some of those people knew my brother in high school and shared their memories. A couple said that even though he was a jock and part of a "clique", he reached out to others and made them feel included and welcome. One was my brother's first love. I told him I was keeping her updated and he said to tell her that if she was hoping for one last fling, she'd better hurry. :D

In one situation, I found myself crying to a woman I'd ended a friendship with years ago, but who was still part of a group I'm part of. I know I hurt her feelings back then. I will never forget that she was there to listen to me and affirm me and be a friend. She didn't have to be. She should have rightly turned her back on me. But she didn't. She listened and took away some of my pain.

Then there was my sister, with whom I'm close anyway. We spent a lot of time consoling each other throughout the ordeal. And I mended/strengthened a relationship with my oldest brother throughout all of this. He and my deceased brother were best friends. So I'm so glad I was able to go through this together with him. And no list would be complete without Kizzie and Magick, my doggies, who both knew something was wrong because mommy was crying all the time. So they offered their fur and kisses to me without restriction.

It's easy at times of heartbreak to focus on what you've lost or what was lacking in a time of need. The momentum behind sadness can overtake you. But everywhere I turned, there was someone willing to hold me up. Some of those people were not people I was expecting to be there for me...some of them came from out of the blue. Some were people I'd never turned to before for support and they were there anyway. And some were people I expected to there for me and they didn't disappoint. I've made a couple of new friends from this, deepened some friendships and repaired others.

So what this is all coming to is gratitude for the people who have been tending the "garden of my soul" over the past couple of months...those who have weeded, watered and planted new seeds for me during an unusually difficult time—one that was shadowed by other stresses, not the least of which was my dog's surgery and recovery. It's not comfortable or pleasant to share another's pain, but you did that for me, whether you just offered your sympathies or made a point to check in on me and lend an ear. Thank you for being there for me. Your kindness was greatly appreciated and will always be remembered.