4/12/11—Fighting Ourselves

Today's Draw: Ten of Swords from the Norse Tarot. Are you riled up, ready to fight? Are you justified in your anger? Or is it even anger at all? And is it a battle worth fighting?

Traditionally, the Ten of Swords is a card of utter defeat. But not in the Norse Tarot. It's just not the Viking way. Our hero is well armed to do battle. And you get the sense that, even if he's up against alarming odds, he could possibly win. But is it a battle worth fighting?

Almost all of my anger is actually hurt. It happens when someone has rubbed up against one of my fears…fear of abandonment, fear of not being accepted. It's one thing to fight from a secure position. Fighting from a place of security is more often debate and doesn't require an arsenal.

But fighting from a position of insecurity…well, who or what are you really fighting? And what spoils rain down on you if you win? I'd venture to say most of our battles are with ourselves. We lash out at a supermarket checker who has to look up the code for broccoli because we're annoyed at the way we've planned our day. We yell at our partner for coming home late because we feel abandoned and need more attention. In essence, we're trying to heal a broken leg by walking on it. And, often, the fight just puts more distance between us and what we're trying to achieve and receive.

I've been feeling a little riled myself lately. But it's totally coming from my own hurts, ego and insecurities. The object of my ire was free to make the choice that "angered" me in the first place. And now they are acting like a victim, which makes me even more "angry". But my desire to lash out is coming from my own victim mentality. Nobody likes to admit to that, but it's often the truth. The thing that pisses us off most about others is often, in some way, true about ourselves. So because I know that all I'm feeling is REALLY an issue with myself, I'm not lashing out. And won't. When I talk to this person next, it will come from a place of love and/or neutrality.

And that's the kicker, isn't it? How often do we approach ourselves with the same love and understanding we give to others? Until we really understand what is beneath our compulsion to fight with another, we're just spinning in space, having fight after fight until we finally "get it". So ask yourself what you're really fighting. And if that means you lay down your swords and open up your tears, do it. Then show yourself some of the love and compassion you show others. The best way to defeat the negative forces in your life is to heal yourself.

4/11/11—Accepting Endings

Today's Draw: Eight of Water from Tarot de Paris. Is there a personal or professional relationship you're disenchanted with? Is it time to for you let go? And if you're choosing to hold on, why?

The eights find us at a time of maturity…a time we have to take responsibility and make grown-up decisions. In the Eight of Water, it's time for inner reflection on the relationships in our lives. In our youth, we may have been more able to ride the waves of unstable relationships. But as an adult we know that as long as we continue pouring our energy into broken dynamics, we are unable to create new, healthier ones.

Each of the eight cups represents the memories of dreams lost and dreams come true. And as long as each is filled and tended in your heart, then is no room for new dreams to fill the cups. You know when something isn't working. You know when cycles are just going to repeat themselves over and over. You know when a relationship no longer represents the person you've become or want to become.

This is a sad time. The man in the card is reflected in the waters of his emotion. And he is turned away from the disappointments and still trying to focus on the good. But he knows the truth. The good is not enough. And the disappointments are still there, looming in the background. And this may have been enough for him at one point, but that person no longer exists inside him.

A recent relationship with a special person really opened my eyes to a number of things and now I'm no longer the person I was before we met. The culmination of all our past relationships came along with us for the ride, as did our different personalities and different lifestyles. And it just didn't work out. The good parts were fabulous. But the other crap was just crap. As an adult, I'm no longer able to blind myself to the whole reality of this dynamic. I want a stable, fulfilling love relationship and can't have that as long as I hold on to this one.

Whether it's a love relationship, friendship or business relationship, you know when things aren't working. Every relationship has its difficulties. But you know when the scales are tipped too far into the unhealthy region…when you're bending too far to accommodate a person. Nobody drifts into our lives and leaves us unchanged. People come for a season, a reason and, in rare cases, a lifetime. Consider the relationships in your life and see where you stand.

4/9/11—Honoring the Path

Weekend Reading: Confirmation from Keys of the Arcturians. This weekend, consider the path to your goal. Because the path is where all the lessons lie. We tend to emphasize "ends" and think of goals in terms of achievement or failure. But the path we take to those ends is where all the gifts are. Achievement is great. It's a big hooray. But win or lose, the soul and the self do all their growing on the way there.

4/8/11—Examining Intentions

Today's Draw: Seven of Swords from the Druidcraft. Are you conscious of where the line between charm and manipulation lies with you? The line between strategy and control? What are your true unconscious intentions?

In the Druidcraft, the Seven of Swords can indicate a couple of different things. One is a surge of insight and new ideas…replacing old thoughts with new. And the other involves the rightful use of our cunning and wits. The second meaning comes with a warning about the misuse of those abilities. So since we frequently focus on the first meaning in our draws, today we're going to look at the second meaning.

Humans are complex animals. Like all animals, we're programmed to find ways to acquire the things we need…food, water, shelter. But because we're so complex, we're also programmed to find ways to acquire the things we want and **think** we need. There isn't one among us, except maybe the Dali Lama, who doesn't consciously or subconsciously use manipulation to corral others to do our bidding in one way or another. This card asks us to be aware of the line between conscious control and subconscious control…to be aware of our true intentions in interactions with others.

This is something I think about frequently. That doesn't mean it keeps me from doing it. But it does mean I'm generally aware of when I'm doing it. But this is sacred ground. Most people who read this will say, "I'm not manipulative or controlling at all!" And they'll be wrong. It's as deeply ingrained in us as survival. As spiritual beings I think we need to at least be aware of when and how we're doing this, then aspire to do better.

That's what this card is about…being aware of when we're crossing that line and using our charm, intelligence, strategic wiles, anger, disappointment, sorrow, self-pity or other emotions to manipulate and control others. We can't be authentic without first being aware. Personally, I only have to think back to a conversation I had just before drawing this card to see where I might have unconsciously tried to manipulate or control another….and they unconsciously tried to manipulate and control me.

So take a good look at your interactions today and just observe. Become conscious. We can't have truly authentic, loving relationships with others unless we are authentic. And our own authenticity is not dependent on others. They can be however they want to be. The more aware you are of your own actions, the more aware you'll be of others' and cease to yield to their control. The only person we're in control of in any interaction is ourselves…and some of us even have issues with that…haha. But if we focused all the energy we use on steering others in a certain direction on ourselves, we'd start **having **the kind of authentic relationships we fail to achieve through our subconscious manipulations.

4/7/11—Having What it Takes

Today's Draw: The Woman of Shields from the Healing Earth Tarot. Are you a little unsure as to whether you have what it takes to complete a project you've undertaken? Or are you currently on a journey of some sort and are thinking you're all alone?

The Healing Earth Tarot has six suits, so it doesn't correspond to a traditional deck. Shields is the suit of earth, but the Woman of Earth only roughly corresponds to the Queen of Pentacles.

The Woman of Shields comes here to tell us that we wouldn't undertake any task we don't have the resources and abilities to complete. She reminds us that we're not alone, we undertake every task in partnership with our higher power, as well as our higher self. There will be signs and assistance along the way to guide us on our course. And we should also honor this task, not only in pursuit of its outcome, but also as a pursuit into getting to know ourselves better. So along your path, remember to ask not only about the signs you may missing that are pointing you in a certain direction, but also ask what new or seasoned part of yourself the journey is revealing.

The Woman of Shields doesn't guarantee your success. She just says you have what it takes to complete a project. We tie up so much of our energy in winning or losing, success or failure, that we often forget there is no such thing as loss or failure. Some journeys we undertake are not about what we think they're about. And if we're not aware of all that's going on inside and outside us, we may miss the gift. A "failed" relationship yields personal growth. A "failed" project yields new contacts and new skills. Because we don't have the entire story of our life laid out before us, we're not really in a position to know why that "failure" came to us. And, in the extreme, we end up focusing on the failure, missing the gift and then, in our ensuing negativity, ignoring the opportunity that comes our way.

EVERYTHING is a gift. You will not be put on a path that leads to nowhere. And you are never alone because your God is with you. The skill to learn is how to surrender to all of this and trust. A brief example is my job search 15 years ago. I went on many interviews and crappy agencies loved me and good ones didn't. The last straw came when a creative director I admired looked at my portfolio and ripped apart an ad I wrote and conceived that won one of the world's most coveted creative awards. If I didn't have faith and the confidence in myself and my path, I would have just taken one of the crappy jobs and be done with it. After all, if this guy thought my best work was crap, then I was doomed. But I was so riled up that afternoon that I said to myself "screw it, I'll become a freelancer." Huh? The thought had never occurred to me before, but the second I thought it, it felt RIGHT. It's a really scary thing for a single person to do. But worst case scenario was that I "failed" and took a job with a crappy agency. Why WOULDN'T I pursue this? Only fear would hold me back. Anyway, within a week of having that thought for the first time, I gave my notice at work. And within a month of starting freelancing, I was earning more than any of the jobs I interviewed for were offering. Fifteen years and two recessions later, I'm still here. And all the contacts I made in the first 10 years of my career have provided me with a steady stream of work.

You never know why things are happening. But if you trust that they're happening for your higher good, you'll receive riches beyond imagination. You are on this path for a reason. Win, lose or draw, you can trust that.

4/6/11—Moving Toward

Today's Draw: Six of Swords from the Maroon. What are you moving away from at this point in your life? More importantly, what are you moving toward?

The Six of Swords in the Maroon is unique in a number of ways. Traditionally this card shows a figure or figures in a boat moving away from choppy waters and toward calmer seas. Sometimes you see them moving toward a distant castle or something. But this card is different. The lone figure seems to be moving away from the security of a fortress. The waters are still all around him. You can't even see his wake. His boat is quite specially carved and is outfitted with a lamp to light his way. But the lamp seems to be placed toward what would be considered his past. Of course, it's hard to tell what direction he's going for sure, but he seems to me to be moving away. Oh, and the swords aren't stopping up leaks in a boat, there more like markers that tick his departure from the fortress.

So the departure seems calm, reflective. He's not rushing away or seeking any sort of rescue from the ills of his past. He seems to making a deliberate decision to honor the past and move on. It's just time.

Someone once said something very wise to me that has stuck in my head. She said "make sure you're not running away *from*, Tierney. Make sure you're running away *to*." Those were thought shifting words for me. I generally resist against change. But change has a way of changing even if you resist. Right now there are changes happening in both my career and personal lives. The timing is right for both. I'm not running away from, I'm running away to. But keep in mind that, for you, the change may not be in a physical location or stage of life, it could be in a mindset or way of thinking. That said, what transition might be occurring in your life right now? And, instead of wiping your slate clean of the past, are you honoring it as you move forward?

4/5/11—Being Blissfully Distracted

Today's Draw: The Knight of Cups from the Anna K. What are you blissfully distracted by these days? A lover? A hobby? A project? A pet?

The Knight of Cups is a man on a romantic quest, so in love with the love he's feeling that he may be blinding himself to the hard work and stresses of a new relationship. But that's how it goes, doesn't it? We meet a new person or start a new project and happily allow frustrations we might otherwise avoid. We're under the influence of hormones in our bodies.

I once read somewhere that the risks of love and accepting the baggage of someone new is so uncomfortable that we wouldn't do it if we didn't have those mind-altering hormones churning through our veins. And, for me, that's true.

Anyway, right now I'm blissfully distracted by a very good man. And he's blissfully distracted by me. Which is the best kind of situation because usually I'm the only one being distracted...haha. So when I pulled this card today I knew its significance in my life. What does it mean for you? And if you don't have something new and exciting in your life...a new hobby or project, a new book, whatever....isn't it time you got yourself one? Having something to put a smile on your face and shake your world up is one of life's sweet pleasures.