1/9/13—Transcending Limitations

Today's Draw: Music-Evoked Healing by Diane Davis at Ovoollc.com. What if you moved through life knowing that you and the creative power of the "all that is" were one? How would that change the choices you make? How would that change what you believe about yourself?

You may remember that I've mentioned these wonderful healing sessions I go to once a month up near Annapolis. The woman, Diane, practices the Bonny Method of Music-Evoked Healing. If you're reading on my official blog, you can see some of my past experiences here and here.

Anyway, because it fits in so tightly with this week's theme, I'm going to forego the tarot card today and just talk about my session. But first, let me tell you the mechanics of what happens. I go in there and set an intention for the day's session. Today's was about exploring false limitations. And then Diane guides me through relaxation the way a hypnotherapist would. Then she intuitively chooses music to help me on my journey. And as I listen to the music, I tell her the images that come into my head based on the music and she writes them down.

Diane has a degree in music therapy, she's certified in the Bonny Method, she's a Reiki master, a Native American lodge keeper and really one of the best people I know. You'd think I'd have met her in some incense cloaked pillow pit lit by candles and black light, but I actually met her in an advertising agency I freelanced at some 15 years ago where she was a VP or some such mucky muck.

Anyway, I say all of that, because some will think, "oh, cool, let's do that Friday night" and it's not that easy. There's actually a lot of training that goes into it. And others will think "oh, this is one of Tierney's weirdo woo-woo friends." And while that's true, she's actually a very accomplished, trained and qualified woo-woo weirdo. And she would have to be, because sometimes these journeys can bring up difficult stuff and she needs to know how to handle that.

Gratuitous shot of the AWESOME Neil deGrasse Tyson & some white light. 

OK, so enough about that. Today's theme was about exploring false limitations. And because I've been doing this for quite some time, I almost immediately go into a subconscious state. By that I mean I go so deep that I don't even know what I'm saying half the time. "Tierney" has left the building. And I'm often shocked at some of the things she tells me that I say. I'm under for maybe 20-30 minutes? I don't know. It seems like a really long time sometimes. So this is a simplistic representation of what happened today.

I started out in this world, on a beach, in a cove. I was sitting at the back of this cove and saw an image in front of me that was, essentially, the statue of Jesus in Rio de Janeiro. Then the image ripped in half, like you would rip a photograph and a beautiful, white coral staircase appeared on the beach, beckoning me upward. This staircase led to another reality, which was essentially a black hole. I didn't want to stay there, so I went up to another reality and another reality, neither of which were inviting. All had some form of abyss and, while I was safe and on sturdy ground in each one, each was a portal to a world I couldn't see from my vantage point. So I stayed safe.

This is the Jesus I saw...from the back. 

Finally a hummingbird came along to whisk me away to the "top" reality. By that, I mean these realities were shown to me in layers and this was the top layer. Hummingbirds, I found out after the fact, are symbolic of the miracle of life, as well as joy, love and beauty. (Trust me, if I were consciously making all this stuff up, Jesus wouldn't be in it, nor would a hummingbird. And, in fact, I only vaguely remembered any of this upon waking. Which is why she writes stuff down.) 

So the hummingbird flies me to the highest reality and it's all light. At first, I am the darkness that cuts the light. But then the light overtakes me, too. First I lose my body and can feel my distinct consciousness in the light. Then the lines of the consciousness loosen and I *am* the light. Eventually I move out of the light and am part of the cosmos. The "all that is" and I are inseparable now. I am capable of anything and everything. I can do all sorts of tricks. And at that point I say, "now I remember that I always used to be able to do this. And I was good at it. Then the ability (was taken from me.)" The "was taken from me" part is in parentheses. It's what I said, but not really what I meant. At one second in the journey I knew the process of losing the capability, but in the next second I didn't and those were the only words I could think of. I could have just as easily said "I lost it", "I let it go" or anything else. 

The rest of the session was spent floating in that place in the cosmos, pure consciousness. And based on some of the things I said, it would seem that I'm much wiser and more carefree in that state. It was a state of divine detachment and, gratefully, the music that started playing (no kidding) was a lullaby, so I just felt held in "mother's arms" as I experienced the silence and ease of the "all that is". 

But back to false limitations. What this journey came to tell me—and tell all of us—is that there are NO limitations. What we truly are transcends all limitations, including space and time. As I said in the journey, we used to know how to transcend our limitations, but when we came here, we somehow forgot it. That doesn't mean it's not still there within us. Heck, even the fact that we're earthbound humans is a false limitation that somehow got placed on us when we were born. 

I had recently heard someone say that the reason we have seratonin and dopamine and all those brain chemicals is because if we didn't, we'd be scared shitless at the "reality" we'd landed in on this earth journey. I mean, just think of it...going from a place where you are fully at peace, inseparable with the "all that is," to a place where cells, our bodies, our homes, our planet, our beliefs—everything in our "reality"—separates us from who we REALLY are. So this is why most of us are driven to find that oneness again through religion and spirituality.

So that's the thought today. What if there really were nothing to limit you whatsoever? What if you moved through life knowing you held in your hand the creative power of the "all that is"? What if you had the ability transcend even the limitations of having a physical body or being tied to space and time? How would that change things? Are you ready to take that leap?

1/8/13—Checking In

Today's Draw: Aloneness from the Osho Zen Tarot. When was the last time you took stock of who you are and who you've become? Is it possible some of the things you believe about yourself are no longer true? Are you the only architect of your life or has it been shaped by pretty much everyone who's ever had an opinion about you?

For today's draw, and possibly for the entire week, I want to focus on the whole "false limitations" thing we discussed yesterday. Briefly, that was about having notions from the time of childhood that certain realities were not meant for us. We might not even realize that some of these ideas have taken hold...we just pushed certain possibilities aside and never thought of them again. 

The relevance of today's card is that, at some point in our lives, we have to see ourselves from our own frame of reference. You're probably thinking you do that now. And maybe you do. I'm guessing all of us have some sort of self belief that came from someone else, though. Maybe someone described you as gangly when you were young and your self image, weight, exercise routine, choice of clothing, etc., on one level or another, has all been affected by that belief. Being self referenced is shedding all of that and assessing what YOU think of all that. It's not as easy as it sounds, because how do you shed the echoes of 40 years?

Of course, body image is just one of those things. What we talked about yesterday are the things that do or don't limit you from goals in your life. Unless you learned to believe differently, if you were told men didn't like gangly girls, you either fixed your gangliness or believed that romance would always be limited in your life. So maybe you settled for less than you deserved, were too shy to approach the men you were interested in or just focused your energies elsewhere. Over time, it stopped being about being gangly and just became your lot in life. Because you believed it, you created it. 

So today's card is about going inward and really examining what's true about yourself...what you're good at, what you want, what you're capable of, what's not in the cards for you, etc....from YOUR point of reference. From what you know about yourself. 

And this process isn't just a one-time thing, either. What you wanted and believed about yourself at 30 is different than at 40. Our interests change. And even our capabilities change. You may not suddenly become a math whiz, for example, but you may have developed a deeper focus that helps you concentrate on math problems better. And maybe now the person who shouldn't be let near a tax return might be a good person for the job. 

So Aloneness not only reinforces the idea of self-reference, but also of the journey of going within and determining who we are today, rather than just plodding along mindlessly, living a life that someone else helped you define. Of course there will always be influences that color who you are. Your parents, chief among them. But the distinction I'm making is between choosing to adopt those things because they make sense to you and just accepting them as what is. 

Ultimately only one person knows what's best for you and can deliver the contentment you seek. We've spent a lifetime listening to the opinions of others, trying other people's routes, suggesting routes for others and looking over the fence for new ideas. Today's card comes to remind us that the signposts we seek all lie within. 

1/7/12—Becoming What You Might Have Been

Today's Draw: Page of Wands from the Art of Life Tarot. What limitations were assumed of you before you even got to know your possibilities? What might have been different in your life had you not believed those limitations? What are you willing to believe of yourself moving forward?

I love the quote from George Eliot on today's card, "it's never too late to be what you might have become." And who better than Mary Anne Evans (aka George Eliot) to deliver that message? She wrote some of the Victorian age's most popular novels—Mill on the Floss, Silas Marner and Middlemarch—under a male name to ensure her work was taken seriously...to ensure that she would be what she might have become had she not been subject to stereotype about the kind of literature a woman could create. 

I was lucky to grow up with a mother with a successful "man's" career. Her generation was really the first to take the risks of entering a man's world and it forged new possibilities for women. She never allowed the fact that she was a woman to limit her career, but she *was* limited by the fact that she was the mother of six kids and the wife of a high-ranking officer...a wife that's expected to entertain and lead "the ladies". Put it all together, though, and she totally worked her overall potential...successful career, marriage and family. That's rarely truly achieved today, much less in the '60s and '70s. 

So I grew up believing there really were no limitations based on the fact that I was a woman. But in other areas of my life, my parents and my environment offered clues that there were some dreams that just weren't in the cards for me. And just as I bought into knowing that being a woman wouldn't limit me, I bought into believing that there were other aspects of who I was that would. 

This isn't my "cry me a river" story. I think it's the story of every person reading this blog. Maybe you were too short to be taken seriously. Too pretty to be appreciated for your brains. Too opinionated to play the role of a mediator. Too independent to work for the government. Too poor to get out of the 'hood. Or may just not "good enough" at something to be a success at it. 

I doubt any parent or teacher or sibling or other influential person meant to do it. But before you got a chance to really even explore your options for yourself, someone or some situation came around to tell you who you were and who you weren't. What you were suited for and what you weren't. They may not have even said it to your face, but you knew it was there. Concern over your grades. Worries about how you never had any friends. Fears about you being too wild. And this became part of your story for however long. 

So this is what I've been thinking about recently. I have a strong feeling that 2013 is when a lot of things are really going to coalesce for me. And for me to take full advantage of the opportunities that may come my way, I need to determine the amount of truth in some of the things I've been brought to believe—and have chosen to continue to believe—about myself. 

Childhood psychology and modern thought indicate that the things that happen in your life prior to the age of 8 or 10 pretty much shape everything thereafter. So, for example, the loss of a parent at four might have far more wide-reaching effects on who you are than the loss of a parent at the age 13. Both are tragic and pack impact, but your ability to process the impact in healthier ways grows as you do. 

So these things that happen during those impressionable years have a tendency to stick. And, having lived with those beliefs for decades, we may not ever question them. But we should, because chances are those beliefs and limitations are a reflection of someone else's fears about us than actual facts. For every limitation out there, there's someone who bucked it. 

Certainly Oprah heard many times that her weight would keep her from succeeding...or her poor upbringing would keep her from being accepted by a certain part of society. She even tells a story about how her grandmother taught her to scrub floors in preparation for her life as a black woman in American society. I'm sure Oprah's not devoid of false limitations, but she completely defied the most obvious ones. Because she got that they weren't about her. They were about everyone else's fears and limitations.  

So think about the things that are holding you back, whether they're physical, psychological, social, societal, financial or whatever. And really try to trace that belief back to its origins. Is it true? If it was true then, is it true today? And think also about "what you might have been" if it weren't something deemed silly or impractical or impossible at one time in your life. You may find that false beliefs based on someone else's life view could be holding you back from what you might have been. And, like George/Mary Anne says, it's never too late to right that wrong. 

1/5/13-1/6/13—Reading Your Lips

Weekend Reading: Ace of Staves from the Nigel Jackson Tarot. You may recall this is the second time we've had this exact card this week. It's urging us to get to the root of our thoughts and to get to the point in conversations. Dilly dally and deny some other time. This weekend you really need to take the direct route to the heart of the matter or in making your voice heard. That doesn't mean to be rude or cutting. But instead of relying on others to read your mind or read between the lines, let them read your lips. 

1/4/13—Taking Inventory

Today's Draw: Judgement from the Nigel Jackson Tarot. Have you ever really taken a good, honest inventory of your life....your good side as well as the things you may not even admit to yourself? If the two sides were judged against each other, would you be well into the light or just kinda into the light? If you really looked, what would you change and what would you do more of?

The Judgement card is traditionally about resurrection and rebirth and all that jazz. To me, the way his wings are drawn, the Archangel Michael seems to be floating in the midst of a bright orange (the color of the sexual chakra), NSFW, flaming vagina, which would support that rebirth thing. The dead have risen and they'll be purified by the fire and allowed into God's kingdom. 

I don't read the Judgement card that way. I have my own cool way of interpreting it that I wrote about on 11/29/12. But tonight as I was looking at this one in particular, I thought to myself, "what if we were judged on the sum total of what we did in life?" It makes you think. I'm pretty sure we'd all end up on the positive side of the equation, but still....

What if your secret shames and behaviors were held up against your public ones? What if your most honest thoughts about others were held up against the genuine words of praise you offered? What if your dark side were held up against your light? Your angry moments measured against your happiest? Your times of engagement held up against your times of avoidance?

If you really took the time to look at things you'd rather not focus on or see, what might you change? If you looked at all the good you do, where might you find time to do more? There isn't a human among us who doesn't have both sides operating within us every day. And there's nothing wrong with it. But if you thought about it, you'd probably see areas you'd admit could use a change. 

Looking at my own life, most of it is lived in a more or less neutral state. I'm just living and doing the stuff we all need to do to get by. I imagine the same is true for all of us...a big chunk of neutral surrounded by bands of dark and light. And while I figure the good I do and the smiles I spread more than make up for my darker corners, I do see places where I could be kinder of thought and more evolved of action. These things, like much of the good we do, as a matter of fact, are things we brush to the side as we focus on that day-to-day stuff. But these things, good and bad, are critical to what sets us apart in life. 

I'm going to be turning 50 this year. It's not something that weighs on me from a "getting older" standpoint, but it *is* something that weighs on me from a "getting serious about life" standpoint. It seems like kind of a fulcrum to me. Say we live 80 years on average. The first 20 or so are spent preparing to live our life. So 50 is a midpoint in the remaining 60 years....the second half of your adult life. And I'm pretty sure it's the best part, because of your maturity level and self knowledge. So maybe that's why I feel a need to assess, clear and rebirth at this time. I have some pretty big designs on the next 30 years, but I can't achieve all I want without clearing out certain areas of my life. 

What is or has been your experience with an assessment like this? For me, I'm not sure if it's the age thing or just because I'm naturally coming to a turning point. What has inspired this kind of inventory in your life?

1/3/13–Being the Star

Today's Draw: The Star from the Nigel Jackson Tarot. Are you going through something difficult right now? Could you use some hope or encouragement? What do you suppose you're learning through your experience?

The Star is one of those cards you want to see in every reading you get. The card's meaning is hope. In the tarot, it comes right after the Tower card...a card of destruction...a change that shakes you to the core. The Tower destroys so it can rebuild on a more solid foundation. But Tower moments can leave you unsure, jittery. So the Star comes along to let you know things are going to be ok.

The Star presents a good opportunity to give you a deeper understanding of the mechanics behind tarot cards. The Nigel Jackson version has most of the elements of a traditional Star tarot card, so it's a good example for us. Before I begin, however, I will say that different sources will offer different reasons for the symbols on the cards. It's really just a matter of interpretation. What follows comes from my own interpretation of this particular card, based on what I've learned over time.

First of all, the nekkid woman. She's naked to show her purity and vulnerability. The star itself suggests guidance. So her unclothed nature symbolizes the openness and purity with which she approaches the receipt of that guidance. The circle of stars above her head is like a crown, telling us that this guidance is her crowning glory and it is innate within her...the divine guidance we all have within. The second ring of stars tells me that this inner wisdom radiates out, but also radiates in from the heavens. The big star over her head is positioned above the crown chakra...the chakra through which divine wisdom and inner wisdom text message each other.

Birds are symbols of communication, suggesting the communication exchange between us and the heavens. But they're also carriers of the soul, lifting us higher. This particular bird seems to be a phoenix, rising from the ashes of the Tower moment. He seems to sit on the tree, often symbolic of knowledge in the tarot, receiving the divine light and guidance.

Although usually pictured differently, the Star card also shows the woman with one foot on earth and one in water. This is symbolic of the interplay between that part of us that is grounded and that part of us that is led by our emotions. It can also be symbolic of that part of us that is earth bound and that part of us that is spirit. This particular Star card show a tree (usually the tree of life or tree of knowledge), as well as a mountain and the gentle flowers budding in the foreground. That says to me the card speaks of that which is seasonal as well as that which is enduring.

And her pitchers, holding the waters of her love and her spiritual gifts (as water is symbolized in the tarot) shows how generously she gives of herself, fueling new growth and replenishing the well from whence those gifts originally came. She gives from both hands—the conscious side of the brain and the unconscious—speaking of how the breadth of our intentions are put out into the universe and reflected back at us. And the generosity and almost transcendent ease with which she pours, symbolizes the never-ending cycles of growth and abundance available to us all and the energetic connection we have to the "all that is".

So that's just a taste of what a tarotist sees when looking at this card. And all you saw was a nekkid woman on a starry night pouring out water. *eye roll* *superior sigh*

So, anyway, we wrap that all up with the keyword "hope", when it's all really a message of how divine you are and always have been. When we're having difficult times like Tower moments, it's hard to see that. But that's precisely what our difficult moments are there to teach us....that there is something beyond our suffering and the peace, hope, abundance and divinity we seek is always available to us. It is in trusting that the star is within us that we learn resilience and peace in the midst of crisis.

Like Glenda the Good Witch tells Dorothy when she asks for help getting "home", she says "you always had the power, Dorothy". To which the Tinman says, "why didn't you tell her that before?" And Glenda replies, "because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself."

1/2/13—Attracting Bad Energy

Today's Draw: Nine of Swords from the Nigel Jackson Tarot. Are you a beacon for a certain type of person or energy in your life? Have you ever really examined why? Would you rather be a victim of these situations, or would you rather be the cause?

Today's card art is one of the reasons I like Nigel Jackson. It's non-traditional, tarot-wise, and just has these great colors and concepts. The meaning of "martyrdom" and "ominous signs" is also non-traditional, seeing as how Swords are the fire suit in this deck. For the non-tarotists, those meanings are closer to the Nine of Swords as an air sign than they are to the Nine of Wands, which is the traditional fire sign in tarot. *nudging the non-tarotists who fell asleep during that last sentence*

We all know people who come upon the same problems with others over and over again in their lives. They know all the perpetrator's problems and pathology. And yet they're completely unaware of the role and responsibility they have in the dynamic. The only explanation is that the other person is an asshole or jealous or mentally ill. And, for some reason, people like that keep finding them. Like the guy in the picture, there's some sort of cloud or demon or bad luck hanging over their head. 

Truth is, all of us have these repeating issues in our lives, whether it's with another person or with life in general. And sometimes it's hard to pinpoint the reasons why. But the reasons are never anything or anyone outside of us. If you're a beacon for all the assholes, idiots and crazies in this world, it's because of something you're doing—or not doing—to attract the behavior. And, like most psychologically and spiritually unhealthy things, it usually driven by some sort of fear. 

An example from my own life is a pattern of attracting people who take advantage...who don't return the energy given in the friendship. Which is not to say all people are like that. I have plenty of people in my life that aren't like that. But that I tend to draw "users" close, then regret it. Some of it is due to a need on my part to be liked and seen as "good". I give so I'll be liked. And the people most attracted to that are people who like to take and not give in return. That's only a part of why I've attracted those people in the past. There's more, because I'm clearly a deeply disturbed person...haha. But you can see how the puzzle pieces fit together. 

Thing is, it's not an issue you can fix as long as you're focusing all your attention on how bad or inconsiderate or crazy they are. You can only fix it if you see where you attract it and focus your attention on fixing it. Otherwise, you'll just attract another. Or create a scenario in your mind where someone is doing the same thing to you. If you go looking for it by seeing it in everyone or thinking people have a secret agenda, you'll find it. 

None of us wants to believe we're the reason things are the way they are in our lives. Personally, I'd rather find out these patterns are all my fault than to find out I have no control over what happens in my life. The scary things are the things we can't change in life, not the ones we can.