6/5/13—Letting Go With Love

Today's Draw Classic*: The Lovers from the Tarot of Transformation. Who do you love? And more importantly, how do you love? Where might you be holding back on your love with someone and is the reason really good enough?

Today's draw features the ultimate healer of all—love. This particular card is subtitled "Love in the Highest Octave". And while we might usually read The Lovers as a card of choice...or choice between love and something else...this particular one is about "the higher state of consciousness that comes when your heart is transformed by love." Which is actually a choice, because we choose who, how and how far to love. 

There is a lot of emphasis in society on the love that exists between humans, primarily between you, your mate and your children. In fact, when we say the word "love" the images conjured in our minds are that of our ideal mate or of a smiling baby wrapped up in blankets. 

The next thought that may occur to us is self love. But other forms of love may include the love you have for something you do, the love for friend or sibling, the love you have for an animal or the love you have for your god. 

So here is what I'm here to tell you—love is love. It doesn't matter who or what you love. I'm not so lucky in the romantic love department. I don't have children. But lord, do I have love. And lord, do I give it. 

We're socialized to place love in hierarchies...love for a mate or child is considered more important and more pure. But what I've learned from having neither in my life for quite some time (and from the times I have been in relationships) is that all of that is bollocks. What's most important in love is how you do it. Do you give yourself fully? Can you give and accept deep intimacy? Do you make yourself worthy of the other's trust? Does the love you give reflect your love of self? And by that, I mean do you love people who also know how to give and accept deep intimacy in a relationship? 

And here's a big one—Can you love despite what the other is feeling? I'm not talking foolishly or obsessively. If someone is abusive, I recommend you send them love from afar. If someone wants you out of their life, let go of them. But can you continue to love—continue to hold loving thoughts—for someone who no longer loves you? Can you let go with love? 

It's big because it's hard. Life seems to tell us that if someone no longer loves us or thinks poorly of us that we have to stop loving them in return. And that's just not the case. We do have to let go of the hope of them loving us in return. But we can still love them. And by doing so, we can heal the pain of losing them in our lives. 

Love isn't about what happens between the sheets. It can't be cemented by a contract. It's really none of the things we see on TV or in our fantasies. That's lust. Or it's a fairytale. That's all love under perfect conditions. Anyone can do that. 

Healing love happens despite...despite socks left on the floor, despite petty squabbles, despite an extra 50 lbs, despite what they feel about you, despite the awful things people do to people, despite the fact that they've died and despite whether or not they're aware of your love. It's not who or why or when you love, it's how you love that determines how big a force for healing love can be in your life. It's about letting love remain at the forefront while all the other crap is going on. And giving is enough. You don't have to receive in return for love to be healing. 

The more you love conditionally, the more you'll need to heal in your life. You'll have more arguments. You'll have more frustrations. You'll have more ups and downs. It's the logical outcome of hinging your most powerful emotion on outside forces...the way others act...the way others love you back. 

But if you love because you ARE love, then your most powerful emotion hinges entirely on whether or not you love. It matters not what happens outside of you, only on what happens inside. Does that mean people will take advantage of you? No, you can love without allowing others to take advantage of you. You can say no without resentment. You can say it with love. And if they take their love for you away from you because you said no, you can still hold love for them. You don't have to stop giving love just because someone stopped loving you. 

It all sounds corny, I know. But I had this dog named Passion that was like a child. I mean, she was a dog that was more human than canine. And she would get piffy with me and ignore me and give me attitude if she didn't like the way things were going at any given moment. Just like a child. But my love for her never waned. Never when she peed on the sofa in her sleep because she was old. Never when she was aloof with me. Never when she wouldn't come when called. In fact, some of these things made me love her that much more. I had made a conscious decision when she was a puppy that, no matter what, I would love her. And I lived up to that decision. Even when days or weeks would pass with no outward show of love from her. And trust me, she was that stubborn. 

There is nothing any of my dogs can do to diminish how I feel. And I would imagine that the same is true for every mother of a human out there. The mother of that boy who shot all the people in Colorado? Do you think she has stopped loving him? I certainly hope not! Unconditional love is a healing love. It's easy to give to pets and progeny. And to God. At least for me. Some people stop loving God when they get sick or someone they love dies. With unconditional love, the whole topic of forgiveness is moot. Forgiveness happened before they even did the offending act. 

But that kind of love is harder to give to others, like husbands and siblings and friends. And strangers. And, fercryinoutloud, to ourselves. Which is exactly why we should try. Because the more divine love we're able to give...the more love "despite"...the more it heals us. The less our emotions ride on things outside us. And the more often we walk around with loving, healing chemicals inside our body, as opposed to toxic, fear-based or anger-based ones. 

I'm willing to bet there's someone out there, right at the tip of your tongue, that you could be giving love to right now instead of a host of other conflicted emotions. You know who this person is. What's stopping you from holding them in your heart with love?

*Adapted from 9/7/12.

6/3/13—Smudging Your Home

Today's Draw Classic*: The Smudge Stick from My Big Sack O' Smudge. Does the air in your home feel dense? Has there been an illness, trauma or argument in your home? Do you think your home may be haunted?

Honestly, today I don't feel like being all wise and crap. So I thought I'd talk about smudge. 

Smudge is, at its most basic, just dried sage that you burn to purify your home or items, such as things you might buy from a second-hand store. You can buy it loose or tied up in a little bundle like in the picture. You can usually get sage bundles at Whole Foods or any kind of metaphysical store. Otherwise, there are tons of online sources to use.

Sage is one of four sacred Native American herbs used for ceremony, purification and healing. The others are cedar, sweetgrass and tobacco (or, alternately, lavender). Often you can find bundles with more than one of these herbs included. Though any sage is acceptable, the most popular is white sage—popular primarily for its aroma and not for any special powers it has.

What kinds of things might you "smudge" or "sage" or purify with sacred smoke? You might smudge a house you're trying to sell or a previously owned item you've received to release the energies of the previous owner. If you buy crystals or other metaphysical items, you might want to smudge them to clear any energy that gathered before you bought them. You might smudge your own home to release negative vibes, ease a change or transition or just as part of a regular "cleansing" of energy. You might smudge yourself as part of a healing ritual. And if you're taking part in a spiritual ceremony, the facilitator might smudge you upon arrival. 

How do you smudge? It depends on what you're smudging. If it's an object, just light the sage until it catches fire. Then blow the flame out and let it smoulder. Then just run the object through the smoke, like you're bathing it in the smoke. That's it. The sage will probably go out on its own, but if you have a stick, you can douse it in sand or earth.

Sweetgrass puts out less smoke than sage and needs to be re-lit more often.

The braids are usually a couple of feet long. I keep a sweetgrass braid in my

car as an air freshener. It has a sweet, fresh, vanilla-like scent. 

If you want to get fancier, then it's good to know what each of the herbs does. Sage and cedar remove negativity, heal and purify. Sweetgrass and lavender draw in positive vibes. You'll find a lot of different thoughts on what I've just said and that's OK. Really, any of the herbs can be used to cleanse. Sometimes cedar is used on the heels of sage to purify after negativity is removed. And sometimes lavender is used to call in beneficial spirits. What's most important is the intention you place behind the smudging.

To smudge a home for any of the reasons mentioned above (though for harmful ghosts, you will probably want a professional's help), light the sage stick on fire and blow out the flame. You will probably have to re-light the sage several times during this process. Start at the North end of your home on the lowest floor and "bathe" the space, following inner perimeter of your home in a counter-clockwise direction (in other words, move from north to west to south to east). By bathing the space, I mean blow the smoke toward your walls and into corners, wave the stick up and down and make sure the smoke gets everywhere, including in the middle of the room and in closets. All the time you're doing this, you can repeat your intention, such as "this sacred smoke cleanses and removes all negativity from this space."

Once you're done with the lowest floor, then move up to the next floor and the next until you've cleansed all levels of your home, moving in a counter-clockwise direction, starting on each floor on the North wall and repeating your intention throughout. Then you can open your windows long enough to air out your home, if you like. Or you can just let the smoke settle in there. It depends on your tolerance and preference for that sort of thing. 

Most won't have to go far to find a some cedar to burn. It's always nice

to use homegrown ingredients when you can.

You can stop there and that's cool. You'll probably notice your home feels more lighter and more open. Your house should now have neutral energy. But if you'd like, you can repeat the process IN REVERSE with sweetgrass to draw positive energies in. So in this case, you start in the North on the top floor moving clockwise (or north to east to south to west.) Then work your way down from the top level of your home, all the while repeating your intention, such as "I fill this space with light, positive energy." As an FYI, sweetgrass has to be lit more often than sage, so don't be discouraged if it's more difficult to work with. 

Now, as I said before, you can buy smudge bundles with multiple herbs in them. If that's the case, then I would just follow the instructions above for sage. Personally I prefer doing the separate thing. And my habit is to add the sweetgrass step maybe every other time I sage. If you google "smudging ceremonies" along with the  specific purpose you want to smudge for, you should find tons of information to help you accomplish your goals. Mine is just one way to do it. Again, the intention behind it is more important than the steps you take. 

Whether you believe the smoke has any "power" or not, sometimes just the ritual of doing something like this can help release emotional things we're holding on to. Even when done symbolically, it could be just thing you need to draw a line in the sand between yesterday and a new tomorrow.

*Taken from a post on 6/21/126/3/13

6/3/13—Trusting Your Instincts

Today's Draw: Key, Clouds and House from Lenormand de Marseilles by Edmund Zebrowski in the Immediate Future position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. How much do you rely on your instincts over other forms of information? Where do you see that you can make changes to rely on your instincts more? How do you determine the difference between instinctual fear and paranoia?

A friend from one of the Lenormand groups online had told me that she likes to pull a card from the Deck of 1000 Spreads and then draw three Lenormand cards to give her a daily reading. So I thought I'd try this particular system today and share the technique on www.1000spreads.com and share the reading here. What happened amused me. 

Lenormand is a linguistic sort of tool. You read the cards in pairs and in sentences based on keywords for each of the cards. The Key card commonly speaks of solutions, answers and destiny. But it can mean an actual key, too. The Clouds speak of confusion and hidden things, but can also  mean actual clouds. And the House card can talk about family, property or an actual home. 

So one way of reading today's combo is "In the Immediate Future, your Destiny is Clouds over the House." And sure enough, there are. Dark ones moving in just like in the picture. I think the reason this rather silly, but accurate reading came up is because two out of my three dogs get really upset about thunderstorms. So the energy of nervousness in the room is pretty high right now, as it was when I chose the cards. 

The beautiful thing about dogs is that they really rely on their natural instincts to inform their world. They know when thunder storms are coming. When their mommy is coming home. When it's treat time. When I want to brush their coat. And they have this uncanny ability to run through the yard at breakneck speed chasing squirrels and each other and not step in any poop piles. It always amazes that, even in a rush, they're aware not only of their own poopies, but of those of the other two dogs. 

We have abilities like this, too. But more often than not, we'll check the Weather Channel to see if it's just cloudy or if there are major storms on the way. We'll call our mommies to see when they're coming home, rather than sense their presence in the vicinity. Or we'll walk right into a grooming situation unaware we're going to have get our coat brushed until it's too late...haha. Our access to other means of information has put us in a position where we've deadened our own natural instincts. But they're still there. 

So there's a bit deeper meaning to why the cards have told me what I already know today. In a way, they're telling me that I don't need them to tell me things I can already sense within myself. Sometimes the questions we ask ourselves alone are clues to the answers. "Am I walking into a trap?" "Should I get myself out of this situation?" "Is my job in danger?" Well, why would you even be asking these questions if you didn't have a sense that something was goofy?

Of course sometimes our own fears and insecurities can cloud our instincts. Maybe you think your job is in danger because you're paranoid and not because it's based on any fact. Even the dogs do that. They're here terrified of the clap of thunder, when the fact is that we're pretty darned safe most of the time. We get severe weather here...hurricanes and tornadoes. But it's rare that we have devastating situations where life and limb are concerned. 

But whether it's paranoia driving the question or instinct, there's something in there for you to learn. A solution at hand. If you're afraid of losing your job, it's because you don't feel secure at work. You don't have to actually lose a job to look for another one. So maybe the universe is prompting to take steps to feel more secure. Start a job hunt and learn what you're worth, whether you're in real danger or not. 

We had storms last week, too, and I observed Mystic, who is the most frightened of my dogs. She sought out places to hide where she could protect her head. She ultimately decided on hiding underneath the desk in my office. Her fears weren't founded, but she found a solution anyway. Sometimes that's all the universe wants you to do...find a solution. Know there's a way out. Sometimes that's all you really need to know to move past paranoia and back into a more neutral state where you can trust your natural instincts. 

Want to know more about combining Lenormand with the Deck of 1000 Spreads AND also see a sneak peek of my new Lenormand Deck? Click here!!!

6/1/13-6/2/13—Slaying Dragons

Weekend Reading: Knight of Pentacles from the Victorian Romantic. Focus your efforts on home and security this weekend. You may find yourself single minded at times, but you'll get the job done. And you'll put yourself in a good position for next weekend when you can lay back. But this weekend, slay one dragon after another until the job's complete.

5/31/13—Finding Your Way Home

Today's Draw Classic*: Shaman of Coils from the Ironwing Tarot. Do you feel like a piece of you is missing? What experiences or moments feel like "home" to you? What has drawn you away from those parts of you that feel most genuine?

The Ironwing is a non-traditional deck and often the messages are hidden deep within the book that comes with it. It's not an intuitive deck for me, but the book always gives me something deep to contemplate. 

The Shaman of Coils is about finding your way home. The book talks about how sea turtles have tiny magnetite crystals in their brains that help them navigate earth's magnetic fields and find their way home. I doubted this, so I googled it and it seems to be true. Similarly, the Shaman of Coils has her own Pole Star that guides her home from spirit worlds and netherlands. 

This got me thinking about the way I felt this weekend. I felt like I was back in a place where I had plenty of time to not only get my crap in order, but to also enjoy it. For a very long time now, I've had something or another going on that has made it so that each weekend feels like catch up, just so I can get up and do it all again on Monday. And it's been going on so long that I'd forgotten what it was like to have a Sunday with nothing to do but wake up late, thumb through the paper and do whatever. Without guilt.

I came about this in a roundabout way. I've been sick all week. And ended up canceling all my social plans because I'm still coughing a lot and just not up to hanging out. My house was already clean enough because I had company last weekend. So really all I had to do was tidy up and vacuum, leaving me time to do other stuff I never get around to. So by the time I went to bed last night, I had nothing left to do. Nothing to feel guilty about not doing today. And in the absence of that, I realized all the stuff I allow to hang over my head and limit my ability to enjoy down times. 

So anyway, as I sat here quietly enjoying my coffee with no agenda in mind and with a baby curled up next to me, I felt like I was "home". For the first time in a long time. I don't know where I went off course or when. It feels like many months since I'd felt free that way. Maybe even years? It just felt so far away.

The interesting thing is that I had recently thought to myself, "whatever happened to my wonderful weekends?" Then circumstances arranged themselves to bring me back. And maybe that's all it takes to find your way home...to step out of what crazes you long enough to remember there even *is* a home. Then ask to be guided there.

We all have more than one thing that feels like "home". It's that comfortable experience that makes everything else you do worth the trouble. Most days I snuggle in front of the window with my dogs. That's one of those moments. Meditating in silence outside is another. Those are things I never lose sight of. But the one I experienced yesterday was one I had almost forgotten about. And now I'm wondering what other ones have I forgotten? The zone I go into when I'm being crafty? The peace and profound stillness I experience when I sit by the river? What else? Simply by remembering those feelings, I'm drawn to carve time to experience them again. 

But it goes beyond just experiences. Maybe it's a part of ourselves that we'd forgotten about or left behind. I stopped going to bars years ago because I don't like the noise and crowds. But last weekend I was in a hot bar with ceiling fans and found myself crawling on top of chairs to reach the ceiling fans and turn them up throughout the room. Whatever that is inside me that would defy management and propriety to do that was reawakened and it was like connecting with an old friend within me.

Over time we lose pieces of ourselves and pieces of our lives. Sometimes it's intentional and for our better good. But sometimes, a piece of our spirit goes along with it. And we may want to find our way home to that bit. What's a "home" you haven't seen in a while? And what do you think it would take to get you there?

*Adapted from a post originally written on 8/8/11.

5/30/13—Uncovering the Secret to Happiness

Today's Draw: Ten of Cups from Tarot Illuminati in the Attitudes and Thoughts position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Where do you fit in at this stage of your life where happiness is concerned? When you look at the picture on this card, do you think "what's their secret?" Or do you think, "hey, they look just like me?"

Hooray! Today you get one of the happiest. Cards. Ever. And you know why everyone on this card is so happy? As you'll notice, they have no fence to look over, so they can't compare their life to the lives of others. And they have no satellite dish on their house beaming messages from the advertisers and media about what they should have, what they should look like and who they should be. 

Instead, they just know they love each other. They know they're surrounded by beauty. They know their humble home is enough. They're warm and fed and clean. What's more to want? Chances are you have all those same things. Are you as happy?

Our attitudes and thoughts alone can change our entire world. My own life changed drastically when I stopped seeing myself as single and alone and started seeing myself as the matriarch of a family that included three dogs. My sense of how much love I had in my life changed when I gave myself permission to count dog love and self love as part of my love bucket. 

In fact, most of the time I feel far more fortunate than the standard nuclear family because, let's face it, nobody loves you like a dog loves you. They're never mad at you. Their entire worlds stop when they catch sight of you. See what I'm getting at? Nothing changed outside of me to change the way I felt about my life. What changed was *inside* of me. 

The difference between happy and trying to be happy is all on where you place your attention. Are you focusing on what you need to make yourself happy? Or are you focusing on what you have that makes you happy? If you tend toward the former, you will never be happy. Because your happiness is dependent on some set of circumstances you'll never attain. Because the minute you catch up to one circumstance, another goal comes in sight. All you train your vision on is lack, so lack is all you see. 

If you focus on what you already have that makes you happy, then everything you see is something that brings you joy. And when you show gratitude for those things, more of that stuff enters your life. It really is as simple as "what you focus on grows in your life". Focus on lack and the lack gets bigger. Focus on fulfillment and the fulfillment gets bigger. 

It's hard not to compare yourself to others or to some ideal that doesn't. Our society makes it hard. And people wear masks to appear happy when they're really not. So it seems like others have some secret we don't...they married smarter, work smarter, have better kids...whatever. But here's their secret—either they're not really happy, or they focus on what they have and not what they lack. It's the only secret you need to know. And it's as easy to attain as it is to stop biting your fingernails or break any other habit you may have. The only thing that stands between you and the Ten of Cups is...you. 

5/29/13—Discovering Your Inner Fuzzvoyant

Today's Draw: Clouds and Letter from the Indigo Payne oracle from Beth Seilonen. Are you getting clearer and clearer messages from spirit and don't know what to do about it? Are you getting messages that you're not sure are messages? What "ghost stories" do you have to tell?

It's rare I open up a deck of cards from the mail and am overcome with emotion. In fact, it pretty much never happens. But today I got a Lenormand oracle I had wanted for a while, not because it was hip or cool, but because of the journey it goes on and the story it tells. 

Beth Seilonen is more than just a highly prolific deck creator (upwards of 80 tarot and Lenormand decks, I'm guessing), she's someone I consider a friend. And last February she lost her stepfather, Ron Hatton, a man she considered to be her father. He was an art buddy and friend to her. So she took his loss hard and coped the only way she knew how. Through art. Within the first 24 or 48 hours after his death, she created this deck in his honor. It is dark,  emotional and moving. 

So it arrived today in a velvety pouch, within a glittery pouch, within a gold box with a lily drawn on it. The deck was hugged, held tight and treated specially, just like Ron was. It came with a notecard depicting a winged fairy in pink. Ron drew the card image as part of challenge Beth gave him in the use of watercolor pencils. It is beautiful...more beautiful for having come with the deck. 

I don't say this lightly, because I'm not one of "those" kinds of new-agey people. But the entire package carried such powerful, mournful, beautiful, raw and profound energy. I'm so glad she decided to share this deck with others and I'm proud to be one of her first customers. My deck is #2 of 60. 

So on to today's reading. This combo speaks of hidden, vague or confusing messages. And that's how our loved ones who pass communicate with us. The letter card, in this case, is literally a letter from Ron to Beth telling her he loves her. You can't see the whole message because the envelope covers it. The influence of the cloud card obscures that message further, keeping us from seeing clearly. The cloud is akin to the veil between the spirit world and our world in my interpretation of this pair...just as a cloud is the barrier between us and the sun/the light, the veil/cloud is the barrier between us and spirit. For some, like Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium, the cloud is light and wispy. For most of us, though it can create quite a barrier. 

But see, this veil...the clouds...aren't nearly as thick as we believe them to be. We make them thick in our heads. By not believing. By not trusting. By second-guessing. Theresa Caputo is very talented and she has a undeniable natural gift. But we all have the capability of doing what she does if we work on it. It might always be easier or clearer for someone like her, but this is a capability we all possess and can develop...like a muscle you exercise with practice. 

So if you ever wonder about your deceased grandmother or spouse or child, chances are great they've been trying to communicate with you for a long time. But your own doubt forms the clouds that muddy the message. Did you find your deceased mother's necklace in a weird place at some point? Chances are she moved it. Do the lights flicker now that your best friend has passed? It's likely it's them. Do you suddenly smell gardenias in your house sometimes? That's grandma coming for a visit. 

They will come to you through all the five senses, and they're usually responsible for odd happenings around the house. My brother was a smoker who died of lung cancer. Ever since he's gone, my fire alarm has been acting up. My sister's has chirped for no reason, too. Around the time of his death, we were all seeing cardinals, even cardinals doing weird things. My brother was a loyal Cardinals fan. 

For years after my father died, I would suddenly smell cigar smoke in my home. All my siblings report this phenomena. I also had a patch where I kept seeing an MGBGT on the street where I now live...a very rare car from the 60s that he used to drive. I haven't seen once since that that one patch of time when I was buying my house in this neighborhood. I've also heard his voice in my ear, predicting something that eventually came to pass. After my mother died, my sister would literally feel my mother sit next to her on the sofa...the cushion would depress and everything. Other than that, I've "felt" the deceased staring at me, "heard" them like a distant cocktail party, felt them tug on my sheets as I'm in bed, "seen" them in the corner of my eye and even saw a cat ghost once, quite clearly. That's just the beginning of ways they make their presence known. 

Can you explain all of this away? Of course you can. And the more you explain it away, the thicker the cloud cover gets. As into this kind of stuff as I am, I'm a lot more skeptical than you would ever think. I question everything. But I'll say this, if we die and that's the end of things, no one will be more surprised than me. I've just had too many experiences, either personally or through mediums, to think any differently anymore. 

The term for someone who sees spirits and communicates with them well is "clairvoyant". It means clear seeing. I often joke that I'm a fuzzyvoyant (clouds + letter = fuzzyvoyant). I'm not remarkably gifted in this way and I have to work at it. But I'm also kind of lazy and not into it, so I've only gotten as far as fuzzy. Which is fine with me. I have other gifts I'm more "clair" with. 

But there are people who approach me now and again who were born "seeing". And, either because of religious reasons or fear, they shoved it down as best they could. The problem is, you can only do this for so long, because these gifts get stronger with age. So, whereas I need to practice and learn in order to see clearly, those people need to practice and learn so they can control their gift (and so their gift doesn't control them). When that happens, I always refer them to my friend Sheila because she teaches development teleclasses and will work with people individually to develop and control their gifts. On these teleclasses, you can be anonymous and learn more about what's going on in your head. 

Anyway, coming full circle, I think part of today's message is that Ron knew I would get a message to Beth that he's around and sending fuzzy messages...haha. But I also think it came for you. What weirdnesses are you explaining away? And what are your stories from the other side?