4/30/13—Expressing Your Unique Gift

DAILY DRAW ALERT!!!

You're going to get Classic posts a lot this week because I have a lot going on. BUT I wanted to alert you all to an EXTRA post that will appear at www.tierneysadler.com on Wednesday starting at 11am. It's part of a Tarot Blog Hop and from that one post, you'll be able to access 20 blogs that are all part of the same Blog Hop. So there will be TWO posts on Wednesday and if you're a tarot person, it will be fun for you to hop from blog to blog and discover other sites! Now on to the show...

Today's Draw Classic*: The King of Chalices from the Fire Tarot. Whether physical, intellectual, creative or otherwise, what is your unique way of expressing yourself in this world? What special something might you have that others don't? And how can you share it with others?

I came across this quote and found it compelling:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost." - Martha Graham

The dragon King of Cups has that fire and unique expression to share with others. He comes to us today to let us know that we all have something special to share with others. Sometimes we can't identify it, even though it's there. Sometimes it's something we hold close because people have judged it in the past...or because we judge it ourselves. Sometimes we don't realize the value of our knowledge or don't think others will find a need for it. And, of course, sometimes we actually share it, whether at work or through other means.

But just because you don't know what it is or have doubts about it, doesn't mean you don't have it. We all have a special light, a special fire burning within us. And like the dragon in today's card, we are all so much bigger than our containers. We bandy about the saying "I'm only human", and while that may be true in some senses, it's not in others. Depending on what you believe, you are also spirit and source. You are the culmination of many lifetimes of knowledge. You are energy and creation. So much bigger than the vessel you occupy. And even the simplest among us were given a gift to share that no one else possesses.

I think mine lies in my communications ability. Many people have said I can tell difficult truths non-judgmentally and make you feel like you're bigger than those things...that you're ok despite those things. In fact, I probably have the same problem myself. I do it in these blogs—admit to my faults and foibles so that others know they're not alone. And so some can feel superior...haha. Ultimately I want people to understand that you can be wise and a doofus at the same time. Spiritual and flawed. Evolved and needing.

We're not just one thing or another. We're the whole spectrum. Yet we tend to compare ourselves to others all the time. I was talking to a friend not long ago who is going through a divorce and he mentioned how all the people he and his wife used to hang around with had happy marriages. And I told him that many of those happy marriages were probably just an illusion. He was certain they were not. So I asked him what his friends thought of his marriage to his wife in the weeks prior to their split. Did they appear happy? And I think, at that moment, he got it. The ride to and from those dinner parties might have been a bitch, but when they were at them there would be no indication of a problem. So why couldn't that be true about everyone else in the room? Every time we compare ourselves to someone else, we're comparing ourselves to an assumption. A fairy tale.

But I digress...haha. What's your special gig? Do you even have a clue? And if you know what it is, how can you share it with others? If you don't know what it is, that's ok. In general, we're not taught to think of ourselves as special. But noodle on it a while and see what you come up with. It's there. :)

*Taken from a post originally written on 8/30/11

4/29/13—Conjuring a Soul Partnership

Today's Draw: High Priestess from the Robin Wood in the Future Relationship position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. How long has it been since you've asked yourself what you want out of a relationship (even if you're currently in one)? Have you ever convinced yourself someone was "the ONE", only to quickly find out otherwise? If you're currently in a relationship, has it changed to mirror the changes you've made in life—is it still a good fit?

Just last week I was talking about how I'm not hot to get in a relationship, how I think I might have gotten too "set in my ways" and how I'm happy alone and all of that stuff. But that doesn't mean I don't *think* or even daydream about relationship and what kind of guy I'd like to be with...haha. 

First, let me clarify. Relationship can mean any kind of relationship. But I'm talking about a romantic one right now. And what this indicates is a spiritual relationship of some sort. After all, the High Priestess is like the female version of the Hierophant in the tarot. While he speaks of knowing through tradition, she lives in the land of inner knowing. 

I often let the Hierophant indicate spirituality in my readings because, frankly, he pops up more often and my inner voice tells me to speak of him this way. But really SHE is the one who represent spiritual knowing, and he is the one who is all about the religious dogma. 

It's funny, because it has been so long since I asked myself what I wanted in a relationship, that I had forgotten. And when I do kind of fantasize about meeting the right person, I always forget that this is what I want....haha. But I really do want a soul partner or spiritual partner. 

Note that I didn't say "soul mate". I think pretty much everyone of any significance in our life is a soul mate. Personally I think too much energy goes into waiting for "perfect soul mate" to come along...the ONE. I don't think there's just one. I think there are scores of soul mates in our lives that are friends, co-workers, etc. And I think when they arrive in the form of an attractive person, we assume they're there to become our lover. And so we sometimes shoehorn them into that role. And sometimes that is part of the "grand design". And sometimes you're left wondering what the HELL you were thinking!

No, I said "soul partner". That's someone you're in partnership with to help each other heal and advance your soul. It's someone worthy of your trust. Someone responsible. It's not about wanting someone so bad that you start play hooky from work for some afternoon delight, not that that's out of the question. But the relationship is not driven by the physical. 

It's a partnership driven by the advancement of the soul. Which isn't easy. It requires you to be honest with yourself and each other. To tell each other things about themselves that they may not be able to see. To support them in their growth and visa versa. It requires you to put the normal dynamics aside as much as you can and operate on a higher plane...no manipulations, tantrums, passive-aggressive BS. Growth is the first priority of the relationship. The sex and romance stuff, it's still in there, but it's gravy. The greater intimacy is the trust you form between the two of you to not abuse the relationship...to drop the need to control...to stop needing to win or be right. 

Maybe it's just a fantasy...haha. I do know it exists out there. And I'm sure it's not as ideal as it looks from the outside, because nothing is. And these relationships are allowed to end when the mutual growth does, though I imagine in a relationship like that, it rarely happens unless one or both partners can't handle the partnership. I imagine it to be a very difficult thing...one that requires a whole different tool set than the relationships most people have. And like I said above, this can happen with a friend just easily as with a lover—you can totally have a soul partnership with one of your friends. I just wanted to talk about romance....haha. 

I don't know that I've ever met anyone I could do that with...at least not someone of the opposite sex. But ultimately I only ever have to meet one, you know? So I'll have to bring this up to my conscious mind again, because the conscious and unconscious minds determine the things we think, do and say. And the things we think, do and say determine what we create. And though I'm not ready for him now, I may just be by the time I conjure him up! 

4/27/13-4/28/13—Opening to Change

Weekend Reading: Death from the Owls Arcana from Beth Seilonen in the Action position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. The good news is that this duo is not suggesting you die this weekend. And the OTHER good news is that it's actually asking you to change things up a little. Zig where you'd normally zag. That kind of thing. Death is about change and transformation. Something in your life has met the end of its lifecycle and it's making room for something new to take its place. So don't linger over it. Say goodbye to the old and embrace the new. It's all part of the tapestry of life!

4/26/13—Checking In On That Place No One Can Touch

Today's Draw Classic*: The Nine of Cups in the Pros position from the Maroon Tarot and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are you aware of a place inside you that no one else can visit, touch or destroy? What possibilities exist in this place? And if you had to gauge the health of this place—how often you feed and exercise it—what kind of shape would it be in?

The Nine of Cups is tarot's "wish card". If you're wondering if you're going to get that job or find that apartment or meet that man, this is the card you want to show up for you. Your wishes will come true. The "Pros" position (opposite of Cons) definitely affirms you'll get your wish. You tell that to someone in a reading, though, and they'll think all their bad days will over and life will coast from here on on. But we've all gotten our wishes before and wished we had wished better, right?

Something this combo made me think of today is that, in the absence of anything else, we always have our hopes and our dreams. We always have that place where we can conjure perfect worlds fulfilled by wishes. We always have that garden of abundance that man is sitting in. And we always have a capacity for gratitude that can bring us to tears. 

This is a weird confession and something I don't think I've ever told anyone else. When I was a child, I used to contemplate the possibility of being taken captive and put into solitary confinement, or for some reason having to wander the earth on my own. Could I survive that? Could I live without interacting with people? I weighed these questions heavily and usually came out cautiously optimistic that I could withstand extreme isolation if needed.

Now, I have NO idea why this thought would ever cross my mind, but it actually did quite often. Maybe it was because my mother would often find any excuse she could to send us to our rooms...just to get us out of her hair. She was also prone to forget that she'd sent us to our solitary confinement...haha. So an hour later or whatever, we'd creep out of our rooms, peek down through the railing and cautiously try to gauge the situation...perhaps even quietly call out to her to see if she was paying attention. 

So that could be it. Or it could be some past-life memory from a time when I spent extended periods alone. In fact, I once had a past-life regression where I was a solitary hunter person with no tribe. I basically died frozen and starving. 

Or it could be because I really kind of like being alone. One of my brothers and I were the introverts in a family of extroverts. There were six of them and just two of us. We were generally the only ones that got our own spaces—me because I was the youngest and too young to share a room with my sisters. And my brother because, like Gollum, he was happy to inhabit any dark, damp corner of the house, just so long as you left him alone there. 

The reason why I thought I would fare well is because I'm really good at entertaining myself, thinking up stories and shutting the outside world away. In reality, as an adult, I know I need some interaction. But back then, I didn't really know it. I was a generally lonesome child, slow to make friends and we moved every two years, so I never had much chance to form attachments. Of course, you wouldn't think this of me from the outside looking in, but we're all lonelier on the inside than we are on the outside, aren't we?

But there was something else. From this young age, I also somehow knew that we all had a place within us that others can't touch or control or ever take away from us. We could be sent to our rooms indefinitely, we could be mocked and teased at school, have our world uprooted every two years, conform to rules of propriety and get shoehorned into some vision of normalcy by society, but one thing nobody can ever touch is that personal place inside us. That place where we can escape into ourselves. That place where anything is possible. 

What I was really weighing back then was the strength of this place against all the slings and arrows of life. As a child I thought it would be hard, but that the spirit of hope and magic and possibility would always win. That its little oasis of abundance, comfort and peace would always hold arms wide open. As an adult, I can see where this place can be snuffed out of a person in extreme conditions—through psychological terror or torture of some sort. But I still believe it's indomitable. Eternal. 

Some might call it the "self". Some might call it the "soul". But it's our greatest weapon—a gift from the universe to help us withstand what can often be a cruel world. And it seems to me that it can get lost under the debris of everyday life, numbed by our obsessions and compulsions and neglected as a "childish thing". But it could one day be the rope that saves us from falling into the abyss. So if you haven't seen yours lately, go and open up that creaky door, oil the hinges and let the poor sucker come out into the light once again. 

*Taken from a post on 1/28/13

4/25/13—Blocking Romance

Today's Draw: Three of Swords from the Deviant Moon in the What You Can't Change That's Blocking Romance position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are you pretty much decided upon remaining single? Do you have a reason why? Whether you're in relationship or not, do you find you protect yourself from the downsides of love?

My daily process is that I choose a card or three at random from the Deck of 1000 Spreads then, more often than not, I worry that the tarot deck I choose will fail to make sense in the context of the convoluted position I've established. And you know what? It always DOES make sense. 

Take this Three of Swords, for example. This three-legged woman has had her heart pierced and broken by love. Perhaps it was something her partner failed to say, or insisted upon doing...or was incapable of feeling. But there she stands, a storm looming in the distance, distressed and with a single black tear issuing from her eye. She touches the tip of one sword—can she bear any more pain? Has she now lost her capacity to love forever?

A couple of weeks ago I went to a meeting with a man and woman and, on our drive over, the topic of conversation was whether or not it was even worth it to couple anymore. As they lamented all the work and heartache that went into building a relationship, just to have each successive one fail, they were preaching to the choir. All three of us had full lives without partners. And they were 15-20 years younger than me and invested in building their careers.

I found it interesting that these two, very attractive specimens of the "younger generation" were discovering what I discovered at their age—I'd rather be content and balanced as a single person than subject to the expectations and heartaches of coupledom. But I also felt a little like I should warn them...warn them that you become so comfortable after 20 years of solitary living and casual flirtations that you can become somehow "unfit" for relationship...haha. I mean, if you think it's a pain in the ass when you're 30, wait until you're 50. 

Further, when you're thirty-something, there are still casual encounters to be had...there's still a pool from which you can draw. That pool gets narrower and harder to find the older you get—and still narrower and harder to find the more set in your ways you get. 

Still, I don't lament my choice. It was absolutely right for me. And my life's not over yet. There may still be a "love of my life" to eclipse whichever man I would consider so today. 

But when I think back on what started my "relationship apathy", I guess I'd have to say that I was just tired of investing my time and energy into relationships that eventually left me hurt and healing. Let's say you're with someone for a year or so and it takes a year to recover enough from all the dashed dreams (I'm a slow healer...haha) before you're actually anxious to go out on another date. You have to look back on all of that and ask "were those two years I spent out of balance—first in the excitement of a new love, then in seeking balance with a new love, then in riding the disagreements, then in the decline of the relationship and then in the post-relationship healing—worth the good times I had?" For me, the answer kept coming up as "no."

The thing about love is that you can't avoid having your heart broken. Even couples that have survived 50 years of marriage and are still in love have had their share of heartbreaks along the way. So if you let heartbreak deter you from romance, it's always going to block your way. You can't change the fact that there will be hurt, feelings of betrayal, etc. 

When I look at the enviable relationships around me—I was blessed by parents that hung in there till death did they part—they all worked through these disappointments and heartbreaks. It's not because their relationships WEREN'T challenged that they lasted so long, it's because they WERE. 

I can't speak for my young colleagues, but I can see where the prospect of disappointment, pain and heartache are blocking romance for me. I mean, if Prince Charming came along and was so magnetic and persistent that I couldn't say no, like you see in all the Lifetime movies, then I would probably dive in. But you've watched Lifetime movies before, right? They're, at best, loosely based on reality...haha. So for now, I'm not really interested or prepared to accept someone in my life. And, like today's draw has pointed out, until I'm ready to accept the inevitability of disappointment, pain and heartbreak mixed in with all the rest of what a romantic relationship can be, I'll never be. 

4/24/13—Being Alone When You're Together

Today's Draw: The Hermit from the Pen Tarot in the Action to Take With Your Partner position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Does your partner sometimes feel "absent"? Whether single or attached, do you often feel lonely? When was the last time you took as good care of yourself as you do everyone else?

I recently went on an awesome day trip with a couple of my friends. And one of them mentioned something she'd heard about the secret to keeping a relationship going. And it was this: 

Learn to be alone when you're together and together when you're alone. 

You really have to put some thought into that for it to sink in. Being alone when you're together is about having separate interests and not depending on the other person to fill your time....or fill your life. 

I think that's an easy trap people fall into when they get married or coupled. They think "now I'll never have to be alone". They stop pursuing singular interests because they feel being married means you turn your time over to your partner. In some cases, being partnered for some is a way out of ever having to be alone with oneself and look within. The truth is, however, that there's never a circumstance in your life in which you won't have to be alone. Moreover, you may have others gathered all around you and still FEEL alone if you lose your identity and your singularity to a relationship. 

Life is a solitary journey. And we can have companions along the way, but we can't push the responsibility of driving our journey off on anyone else. Well, we can, but we won't get far. We came here for a purpose that serves our soul and we need to nurture that relationship, too, in order to fulfill our purpose. 

Another thing I see especially women doing is putting everything "me" aside for their children. Of course there's a line you need to walk, but for some it seems like being alone and having alone things to do is a betrayal to the children. They feel like they have to be there and be available to the children at all times. But what they're really doing is teaching their children how to abandon their own needs for the needs of others further on in their lives...that the only time someone's needs are important is when they're children. Either that or they're setting their children up for disappointment in a world that doesn't stop to handle their every need.

In my opinion, being alone—being singular and nurturing an identity that doesn't revolve around anyone else—is a skill we all need to master in our lives, just as being with others is. Neither of those skills should be left to atrophy in a lifetime. Whenever you FEEL lonely in life, it's wise to ask which of those two things you've been neglecting. 

The second part of "learn to be alone when you're together and together when you're alone" is the ability to carry another in your heart and consider them even if they're not there. Again, you don't want to be so dependent on someone that you have to be with them physically to feel their love, nor do you want to be so independent that they and their needs cease to exist when you're not together. But you do want to be able to venture out in your aloneness without feeling lonely. 

As a person who spends a lot of time alone, being together when you're alone is important in any kind of relationship. When you're navigating life as a single person, it's easy to feel alone when you're not. There are plenty of people out there to reach out to if you let yourself do that. 

Ultimately, the words on this Hermit card sum it up, "what is bliss, and which the way?" Bliss can happen in many ways in our lives. It can come through another and it can also come through ourselves. We owe it to ourselves and others to nourish and model both ways. Both are tools essential to life. 

4/23/13—Seeking Abundance

Today's Draw Classic*: The Ten of Pentacles from the Art of Life Tarot. Are your time and energy eaten by things you don't enjoy? Do have enough time to do the things you enjoy? Is it time for a priority makeover?

The quote on this card from John Petit Senn reads, "Not what we have, but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance." This quote is accompanied (haha) by a Renoir of two girls playing the piano, just living life. 

We're raised and socialized to work hard so that we'll have "enough". And as soon as we have enough, we see a different "enough" that we need to have. And so on. We don't even think about it. Our quest is automatic. Either that, or we're afraid we won't have enough "if"...if we lose our jobs, if the stock market crashes, whatever. So we hoard and always feel we need more. It's like we've been programmed to think of abundance in terms of money and things, when it's really about experiences and feelings. 

Today I was thinking about how I have "enough" to take care of this third dog (*this was originally written before I adopted Mystic*) for as long as I'm fostering her. I have enough money, patience, love. And I was also thinking about what I gotten in return. I get to a hero in this little girl's life. And I get to be her surrogate until her real mommy comes along. PLUS I get Kizzie and Magick. And my Best Clients Ever™ and Best Job Ever®. AND I got a really special email from a friend today. 

And the literal icing on the cake was that I saw these Pillsbury orange sweet rolls at the Safeway. I NEVER buy stuff like that, but I decided to today. I checked the date on the can and I had until late November to eat them. So I figured I'd save them for just the right craving. And you know what? I dropped them on the ground getting them out of my car and the tube ever so slightly popped. They would have to be baked pronto or rot!

Is my life great or what??! But it's not like I'm being showered with money while in a hot tub with a nekkid Gilles Marini or anything like that. It's just a normal, ordinary day. No windfalls or surprise packages in the mail. Just the stuff I love all around me. 

I remember when I first moved into my house. I was really good at keeping everything neat, clean and trim. But then I realized, I hated being neat, clean and trim. I'd rather be doing something else. This was a case of putting what I had in front of what I enjoy. This house? It's just a thing. A really ADORABLE thing that I love, but just a thing. If I had to choose between this house and my dogs...this house and my career...this house and my hobbies....this house and my spirituality...this house would lose. 

So, assuming I do the needed upkeep, who cares if the windows need washing? Who cares if the bushes out front are a little bushy? I realized one day that I never even look at my house from the outside...haha. My neighbors do, but I don't. So I should be breaking my back for THEIR view? I hired yard dudes. I do the gardening once or twice a year...enough to keep me from being the scourge of the neighborhood. I fix what's broken. Replace what's old. And let perfection slide....so I can focus on what I enjoy. The people across the street? They enjoy their yardwork. So they're out there every weekend doing it. And I get a good view of their yard while I'm in here enjoying all manner of writing, crafting and whatnot. 

So think about some of the things that are eating your time and energy. Do you enjoy them? Or is there something you'd rather be doing? Trust me, you don't HAVE to clean the house this weekend. Just don't invite anyone over next week and no one will be the wiser. Fill yourself with the abundance of enjoying what you and I'll bet you won't even care. 

*Taken from 9/26/12