2/28/13—Celebrating Your Successes

Today's Draw: The World in the What to Do Next in Regards to My Goal position from the Tarot of the Sidhe and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you feel you fully celebrate your successes? Or are they just a blip on the radar of your busy life? Do you ever just stop and give yourself a good old pat on the back?

So today I used the same Deck of 1000 Spreads technique of creating custom spread positions that I used yesterday. But I also did something I'm not sure I've done intentionally in the nearly three years I've been writing my daily posts: I drew a card specifically for me to explore what to do next now that my deck is out. 

See, the Deck of 1000 Spreads wasn't a destination for me. It was never been intended to be one. The "destination", as many of you know from reading this blog, is to be a spiritual/self-help type of writer, dispensing the kind of insights I deliver here each day. While on that road I got this phenomenal idea for a product serving the tarot world and I HAD to do it. And doing it was divinely inspired, not only because it has been such a gift for me so far, what with all the positive feedback and the things people are doing with it. But also because of something that became clearer to me just the other day. 

OK. I'm going to brag. Facebook people are probably sick of hearing this...haha. But I haven't told the people who just know me from my blog. For the past week or so, the Deck of 1000 Spreads has been a best seller in the Fortune Telling category on Amazon. It's been anywhere from #1 to #7 when I've checked. It moves around a lot. At the time of this writing, I'm #1 in Fortune Telling, #4 in Tarot, #15 in Divination and I'm really nowhere near the Top 100 in the New Age category (the next level up). Yet. Haha. But I'll tell you this much—none of this was on my radar a month ago. These rankings never occurred to me. 

Now that I've seen them and the little outline that goes along with the photo here, it occurs to me that I'm already writing in the category I want to: Religion & Spirituality. I'm a few levels deep into it, but I'm already in it. And this fills me with hope that I will be able to achieve my dream of being a mainstream spiritual author and helping and healing people with my words. I think I do that now here and feel very blessed by it. 

Do you know I've been operating this site for more than two years and this summer will mark three years of daily posts I've been making and I've never once heard a negative word about what I do? I mean, there are critics everywhere in life, but I've been so blessed to hear only words of support from you. I'm getting all emotional just writing this. But this has been such a gift because I get such great feedback. AND I share some stuff that makes me uncomfortable admitting from time to time, and it's such a safe place. On my blog and on Facebook, this post has been a safe place for anyone who has ventured in. 

Anyway, to get to the actual reading we're doing today, the rest of my week is slow in my actual job. So I have a couple of days of lull before I get busy again next week. And I want to continue this momentum that seems to be building over my deck and ride it into my next project, which I'm thinking right now might be a few ebooks adapted from this blog. Over the years people have asked me to put it in ebook form, but I can't take the tarot with me in ebook form, primarily for copyright purposes...I can't print cards from all these different decks in a money-making venture without getting permission.

So anyway, that's what today's draw is all about. What should I do next to reach my goal? And The World is telling me to tie up loose ends first. To integrate the experience I've been having. My deck has been out in the world for, like, two weeks...haha. I can keep enjoying this fun for a little while longer. Like, I haven't even drunk a toast to this release or had a "me" day to celebrate. And that's so typical of me. I'll wallow for weeks in my failures...haha...but I feel bad bathing in my successes. And, when you think of it, that's just not the way to live. We should forgive our failures and celebrate our successes, instead if the other way around. So I think The World is telling me to do just that...to do something to synthesize this moment it before I take the next step. 

And the next step is? Well the next step is The Fool. I begin the cycle again. I make the leap into the unknown and start out on another journey. But for now...for maybe another week or so...I get to stand atop the World...or atop the Fool's cliff...and enjoy the view. :)

2/27/13—Widening Your Options

Today's Draw: Eight of Swords in the Underlying Issues From The Past That Form The Heart Of The Situation position from the Tarot of the Sevenfold Mystery and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you feel trapped? Stuck? Do you feel your options are limited?

Today's draw is different for a couple of reasons. One is that I'm drawing it in advance of meeting up with a friend, thinking this may help her. And another is that it's using an AMAZING technique developed by Lee Bursten, creator of the Gay Tarot, among others. You can read about it on www.1000Spreads.com, but it's basically creating a unique spread position by combining two or more spread positions into one. To my knowledge nothing like this has ever been done before and Lee was inspired by my Deck of 1000 Spreads!

OK. So my friend seems to have been having a difficult time lately. I know nothing about it. That's why we're getting together. But I thought a little tarot insight might help. So I created the Underlying Issues From The Past That Form The Heart Of The Situation position...haha.

Here's what the Eight of Swords is all about. There are times in our lives that we feel trapped and devoid of choices. It can also refer to blocked energy and negativity. Add it all up and it's a big ball of self-induced limitation. We all do it to ourselves at some point. And the biggest culprit is black and white thinking. 

What I mean by that is that there's only two choices. Stay or go. Win or lose. Succeed or fail. And when we only allow ourselves options at extreme opposite ends of the spectrum, we up the fear ante on every decision we make because the stakes are absolute. If we do the boss' dirty work as requested, we succeed. If we don't do it, we're doomed to fail. So we do it out of fear of the repercussions of not doing it. But there's a whole array of options in between, ranging from turning your boss in to changing departments to getting another job. And you haven't considered them because you've been blinded by fear. 

The Eight of Swords is why people stay in broken relationships. They only see stay or go. Some stay out of fear of not having enough money to be on their own. Some stay because they fear failing the relationship. And some leave because it never occurred to them that there were other options. Like counseling. Or having an open relationship. Or leaving the relationship, but not leaving the home. Or leaving the home, but not leaving the relationship. Or, like the best-selling book The Five Love Languages advises, learning how to speak your partner's language. Personally, I think a lot of relationships can and should be saved. But, because the minute conflict and discord sets in the first thought is "stay or go", none of the options that can save the relationship even get considered. And then it becomes too late. 

Beyond the black and white thing, I think in some cases the way we were raised leaves us with only one option. For some that translates as "failure is not an option". For some it's "gay is a disease you can be healed of". For some it's "everyone in our family is a doctor". You get the picture. You get shoehorned into something that doesn't fit and, while you might question it from time to time, you're nonetheless resigned to it. Another trap of the Eight of Swords. 

Yet another trap is depression, negative thinking or even mental illness. Depression definitely causes our focus to narrow to the point where we can't see our options. And all those shootings? Those people had convinced themselves there was only one thing they could do. 

So if you feel trapped or blocked or stuck right now, move past the fear and the black and white to the gray space in between. And ask yourself, what are REALLY my options. List them all out, including the ones you'd never even consider. And if one of the options is to ask for help, by all means do that.  When you see all the options you have, fear will dissipate and may even clear your mind enough to allow a divinely inspired solution to set in. 

Letting God Steer the Justice Ship

Today's Draw: Justice in the Immediate Future from the Tarot of the Tattoo Age and the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Is it about time justice is served? Can you know for certain what that looks like? How does justice get enacted in your life?

Well, well. It looks like we're going to get justice at last! And, for some of us, that will be good news. For others it will most assuredly suck. Which are you? Don't be so sure you know the answer. 

The Justice card is about fairness and truth. In a broader sense, it's about karma, too. Something from your past is going to get weighed and you will receive a sentence. Whether it's good or bad is out of your hands now. It's now up to the objective force of the universe to determine. 

I've talked before on this blog about revenge. I don't go there. And one of the reasons I don't go there is because of karma. It will come back to me. Another reason I don't go there is because the higher power I believe in is so frickin' awesome at exacting justice that it will always do a better job than me. 

A third reason I don't go there is because I don't presume to know enough about what's fair or right to be in command of the justice ship. Because I only know part of the truth. My part. And from my standpoint, I'm right and the other person is wrong. But even if everyone agrees with me, I still only know part of the story. I don't know what drives the other person. And I forget all the crap I've done in the past to deserve the way I was treated. I also don't know if the "bad" thing they did to me is ultimately bad...it could end up being a fortunate lesson that keeps me from greater pain in the future.

See, the other person could be an agent of the universe come to settle the score from that time I knocked that girl's books of her desk in the third grade and kept walking because I was embarrassed. To her, it looked like I was being a bully. Or rude. I remember she was really upset about it. And I remember everyone looked at me like I was a monster. But I was embarrassed and didn't know what to do. So I kept walking. I didn't apologize. I didn't do nuffin. Except look like an ass. 

So, seeing as how this current incident could be justice for something I've long since forgotten, I'd pretty much be screwing myself if I sought revenge for it, right? I'd just create more bad karma. Personally I think anytime you presume to do God's work for him you're creating bad karma. So that's why I won't go there. 

But this principle goes beyond revenge. For every "my side of the story out there", there are multiple aspects of the big picture you just do not know. Nor could you ever. So what looks unfair could be fair. A person who annoys you wins the lottery? I'm pretty certain it's fair. First of all, you don't know what wonderful things they may be doing when they're not annoying you. And second, you have no idea what winning that money will do to them. If you watch enough cable TV, you're informed enough to what large sums of money do to people's lives. 

What it all comes down to is that there are many lenses through which to view the truth. But in the end, only one truth matters...the objective truth of the universe. You wanna screw with that? You know better? Go ahead and do what you will. But know that no deed goes unweighed on the scales of justice. And anytime you do something to hurt another person, whether you think it's justified or not, the scales start tipping against you.  

2/25/13—Shining Your Light More Broadly

Today's Draw: Sun from the Deck of the Bastard in the Finances position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Do you feel like you don't have enough money right now? How about love...do you have enough of that? Is it possible that neither love nor money have anything to do with the problem at all?

The Deck of the Bastard is a self-published deck by Seven Stars, aka Elaine Wilkinson. Elaine has done a couple of things here I've never seen before. She's taken vintage deck images and photo manipulated them to create new images, creating a single deck from elements of a couple or a few. The deck's name comes from her "bastardization" of those decks. And while I've heard of customized backs before, what I haven't seen is that she will customize the backs with your name, so it's a truly personalized deck. If you're viewing this on my blog, you'll see the customization I chose. 

There are other custom features, like you can choose whether or not to have the Major Arcana labeled. As you can see, I didn't. But I will say I'll probably wrongly guess what some of them are, because they're not all as easy to recognize as the Sun here. Anyway, Elaine's doing some cool things with decks, as you'll see on her Etsy page. Some of her choices are enough to make more anal tarotists reach for an oxygen mask, but I love rule breakers. And that, she is. 

So now on to the Sun in the Finances position. This is a combo that most would love to receive. It means financial success. Or it could be saying the economy is rebounding. You get the idea. Money. Good. Yay!

Every card in the tarot has a positive side and shadow side. And one of the downsides of the sun is that it shines too bright a light on things, including all the dark little corners we'd like to keep dark. So the Sun in Finances can also shine a light on places where you've been misspending. Or it could be talking about the focus we're putting on our finances during tax season. Or where you might not have the funds to do all you want to do. 

If the fear of failure is one of the biggest fears in life, the two areas in which that fear is most prevalent has to be in love and money. We fear we'll never HAVE enough in those areas. We fear we'll never BE enough in those areas. We feel we will fail at love and money. 

One of the things I've learned in life is that #1 cause of falling short in either of those areas is the belief that you don't have enough or you're not being enough. For example, I used to feel I didn't have enough love in my life...that I was falling short in that area. And as long as that's where I shined the light, that's all I was able to see. 

I not only chose the back design, but see my name up there?

But one day I challenged that belief and fear. And I started looking around me...at family, at friends, at my dogs. Listen, ANYONE who has three dogs and tells you they're not loved is not shining their light on the right things. Turns out that I may not have romantic love in my life, but the dearth of that is more than made up for by what just one Magick Moonbeam (my middle dog) brings into my life every day. So one day I don't have nearly enough love in my life. And and another day I'm the most blessed woman on earth. Nothing changed except where I shone the sun in my life. 

The same thing works for money and resources. I'll tell you this much. If you want to live 17 years as a freelancer, you can't have the luxury of worrying about money all the time. You'll never make it past the second year. Your reality follows your thoughts. Believe you don't have enough and you will not have enough. Of course, it's inevitable fear will creep in now and again. And for those times, that's when shining a light on all you have can come in handy. 

My personal list is...I have equity in my home. I can always sell it. I have room on a credit card that I can use. I can get a loan or a home equity line of credit. I have an old car I never drive that I could sell. I have a spare room and could take a roommate. I have things I can sell. I have my tarot skill and can do readings if I need money. By the time I get through that list, my anxiety is usually gone. But there's one more thing on the list—I could always get a regular job. And none of that even considers all the discretionary spending I do that could be restrained or the bills that could be cut.

When you really take a look...really shine the light...the fears you have are just that. And the more you entertain them, the more you shape your reality. Someone very close to me went through a time a couple of years back where they were unemployed, owed more on their house than it was worth, could not find a new job and had run out of unemployment. Even then, they had choices. They could have declared bankruptcy. They could have moved in with me, into a better job market. And they had other options, too. Before they had to resort to any of that, they got a job. They don't earn as much as they did years ago. They don't own a home. And I think they would say they feel pretty free and devoid of material attachments now. Blessed for their situation. A lot of external things changed, yes. But ultimately the most important change happened within. 

Unless you're literally on the brink of homelessness with nowhere to go, chances are you have more than you're shining a light on right now. The more fear you have, the narrower your light. So if you're seeing your finances—or anything else right now—through a pinhole of light, bring in more light. You'll see you have more than you give yourself credit for. And when you see that, hold it in your vision and you'll find you're richer than a king. 

2/23/13-2/24/13—Assessing Your Career

Weekend Reading: Seven of Pentacles from The Deck of the Bastard in the Career position from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. The Seven of Pentacles signifies a time of assessment and reaping rewards. You've worked hard to build you career. Are you seeing the rewards of that? Is it still what you want to do? Could it be time for a change? These are just a few of the questions this combo wants you to think about this weekend. Too often we go to work and live for our weekend and we continue in that cycle endlessly without ever asking ourselves, "is this what I want? And if not, what am I willing to do about it?" Just those two questions alone can change everything. Or nothing. It all depends on your answers. The Seven of Pentacles in your career position is prompting you to take that conscious look and see where you stand. 

2/22/13—Finding Beauty Within

Today's Draw: Crow Woman (Justice) from the Mythical Goddess tarot in the position of What to Take  From the Past from the Deck of 1000 Spreads. Are you thinking more and more about getting older? What have you noticed has spelled the difference between you now and you 20 years ago? And if you're in your later 50s, 60s or 70s, what difference have you noticed in your life since turning 50?

In a few weeks I'm going to turn 50. Everyone my age is doing it, if they haven't already. It's all the rage these days. 

This isn't something that normally bothers me...aging. It's just a number. But when it's a big round number...like half a hundred...you get to thinking. In my spirit, I'm still girlish...forever 29. Visibly I don't know how old I look, but it's young enough that it shocks people when I tell them how old I am. But physically speaking I'm sure I feel 65. Or 70. It's fair to say I've been a bad steward of my body and and excellent steward of my spirit. The rest is just genetics. 

So with 50 looming and an aged goddess staring at me in Crow Woman in a position like "What to Take From the Past", well...I'm back to thinking about 50 again. And Crow Woman has some wisdom for me...for us, the members of the high school Class of '81, many of whom bless me by reading this blog on a regular basis. 

She comes to tell us we've evened out over the years. We're not so full of drama and histrionics. We can see situations more objectively. We're less attached to things. We're more adept at honoring our boundaries. We're also less likely to compromise our truth. 

Somewhere out there there's a 30 year old reading this and thinking "pathetic old dogs, searching in the dark for reasons to be glad they're living in wrinkled, graying bodies"...haha. That's ok. I thought that when I was your age, too. I thought, "hey, I get to be 30 and all those things you say." But I can see now where I was wrong. 

It's a sad irony of life that, just as our bodies and looks begin to deteriorate, we finally discover that "inner beauty" people have been talking about all along. I thought I knew it at 30, but now I can see what a child I was, still at 30. I thought I knew it at 40, but now I can see how full of fear I was at 40. I suppose when I'm 60 I'll laugh at how naive I was at 50. But more and more as 50 draws near, I'm beginning to appreciate the stability and confidence I have now. And I expect only to blossom and grow as my gray hairs become more prevalent. 

As someone who has actively been on a path of personal growth and spiritual discovery for more than half my life, I can look back astounded at all the progress I've made. The things that used to clutter my head no longer do. The things that used to define me as a person no longer do. Some of the people and situations that I embraced then would not stand a chance in my life today...and I'm sure there are some things I rejected back then that I might have more of a propensity for today. 

From a spiritual standpoint, this whole aging thing is beginning to make sense in ways it never has before. It's like we spend a good 30-some years developing fears, neuroses and insecurities, only to first, reach a point of stasis, then begin to overcome and slough the scars of our youth in our later years. It's hard to appreciate something you've always possessed. But if it's something you've earned, it becomes a precious gift. In the first half of life I earned my neuroses, only to earn my way out of them in the last half. All of it, a gift. 

So, as I pack my baggage for a new decade, I bring all of it with me, really. Because before any scale reaches balance, it tips first to one side, then another. If we are to be balanced out, we need the weight of both ends of our life opposing each other. There's something deep in my core that tells me I'm right on schedule to be 50 and experience some of the best years of my life...maybe not in looks or physical wellbeing, but inside. Where, it turns out, it really does count. 

2/21/13—Doing What You Love

Today's Draw Classic*: The Nine of Wands from the Silver Era Tarot. Are you frustrated because there's a snag in your plans? Do you feel like it's a sign to jump ship? Or are you determined to see things through?

The Nine of Wands is a card of the determined, but road weary, warrior. Along the path of our plans, we've had victories and setbacks and here we are near the end, determined to move on, but wary of how many more setbacks we can manage.

I think one of the hardest things about pursing a new course is staying motivated when things don't go our way…when we get that rejection letter or a promising prospect drops out of sight. Personally I believe that if you feel you're swimming upstream all the time, that it's time to get out. That the universe doesn't make things that hard for us.

But there are two codicils to that. One is that there's a HUGE gray area between smooth sailing and swimming upstream. And it's sometimes very difficult to determine where you are in all of that. And the second codicil is that your attitude plays a role. Some people see every bump in the road as a gaping pothole, while others barely notice. So it's difficult to be objective when you're talking about something that means a lot to you.

But here's a solution that kicks any bump or pothole in the arse—only do what you love and only do it for the love of it. That doesn't mean you won't be disappointed, but it does mean you'll always have a payoff. Sure, it's hard when you're hoping to turn this love into a career and you don't end up making money off it. But make money off something else. When you take something you love and make your satisfaction dependent on its ability to perform financially, then you've essentially transformed it into a chore. You've choked the joy out of it.

Many people love to write, for example. I'm one of them, of course. And for the past 25 years I've carved a nice life out of my writing. I had the gift of knowing what I wanted to do long before college and being naïve enough to pursue it as if I could make money out of it. For the first couple of years of my career in advertising, I didn't even write. I worked as a support person in a creative department. I received many rejections during that time and when I finally did get a job as a writer, it was a sucky job…haha.

I was 7 years into my career before I got a writing job in an advertising agency. I was underpaid every step of the way. And at the ten-year mark of my career, I was feeling the love sucked out of my love by the spinnings of corporate wheels, so I made a radical decision to become a freelancer. Not for money. But because I loved this career so much and wasn't getting what I wanted from it. I expected, actually, to take a pay cut. But that wasn't the case.  It took me 10 years of hard work to get to a "good place" in my career. And I can say, looking back, it didn't feel like 10 years and even though I suffered many rejections and inequities during that time, I was never daunted. Most people who, after a decade in a career, were still just scraping to get by would give up. It never occurred to me. And all the stumbling blocks led me to my true calling as a consultant.

The point is that if it were ever about money, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'd be working, possibly as an account executive or a marketing director and writing as a hobby. Or maybe I'd be bitter about the sucky writer on my team and take it out on them by editing their work heavily…haha. But the point is, if I had judged my career based on what it was paying off in dollars, I never would have made it through that first 10 years. And there were times in that 10 years that I was strictly limited by my budget, having no discretionary income to speak of at all. But it didn't matter because I loved what I did.

Things born of love, nurtured in love and cared for with love give love in return. And there's meaning to the saying "love conquers all" in this situation, too. I won't say that everyone can make a living do what they love because I don't know that to be true. But I do know that you can always do what you love. And you can always make a living elsewhere. But if you do what you love for any reason other than love, you will lose that love.  

*Taken from a post originally written on 5/11/11