Today's Draw: A Thin Wrapping of Wishes from Illuminate! Life Journey Cards by Linda Clayton. Do you have a dream to look forward to? Have you built a modicum of magic into that dream? Or are you someone who only deals in realistic, well-measured pursuits?
As we approach the midpoint of Self Care Week at The Daily Draw, there's no better deck to use than my favorite yin-energy oracle, Illuminate! And today's draw doesn't disappoint.
In terms of self care, I think "A Thin Wrapping of Wishes" is calling us to have something magical to believe in and/or look forward to.
Remember when you were going to be a princess? Or the President of the United States? Remember when you used to practice your Oscar speech or sing into your hairbrush like you were a rock star? Remember how that used to make you feel? Shiny. Beautiful. Special.
Well, what wishes and dreams do you have like that today? Are you so beaten down by the frog that Prince Charming turned out to be that you keep your dreams tediously realistic and attainable these days? Like seeing your kids graduate high school or moving into a new house?
Those are totally worthy dreams and they're absolutely enough. I'm not suggesting less. But those are things that are going to happen, bar some disaster. Where is the magic? The anticipation? The daydreaming? The succulent garden you get lost in when you think of it? Think back to when you were going to be a PRINCESS! That was wishing!
I'm not suggesting you invest heavily in fairytales. That's why it's a THIN wrapping of wishes. We are, after all, adults. But what is out there at the edge of possibility, yet still in the framework of your jaded mind?
For example, writing the kind of book I want to write and getting it published is a dream for me. But the MAGIC and the far edge of possibility includes my dreams of meeting Oprah, rubbing elbows with celebrities and being much beloved. Those things may never happen, but the sparkle of their fairy dust keeps me motivated and excited about the more realistic part of my dream. Those things keep me feeling shiny, beautiful and special while I work on the sweaty, bloody, hard work part of achieving my dream.
So what I'm suggesting for today's self-care advice is this....have a dream to aspire to, like writing a book or visiting Europe or hitting all our country's National Parks. But sprinkle it in fairy dust for that extra sparkle—or have a totally separate fairy dust dream that makes you feel special and shiny. BUT remember which is the dream and which is just window dressing.
You see, we once dreamed of a white knight coming in, sweeping us off our feet and living happily ever after. And we became jaded against magical thinking when our knight ended up being a farting, fallible plebeian. But that was our own mistake. The REAL dream was getting married. But we attached ourselves to an image of perfection and magic that was really just supposed to be a thin wrapping. Instead of donning a feathery veil to add to the fun while we're waiting to meet the right man, we tattooed the fairy dust into our skin, thereby tainting any result less than Prince Charming.
So self care is dreaming. And self care can be made more magical with fairy sparkles to help you feel shiny and special. But true self care is remembering the purpose of the fairy dust in the first place, so that when we reach our dreams, we won't dash them because Johnny Depp wasn't there when we arrived.
The point is to keep ourselves hoping and dreaming and motivated. Having something to look forward to is part of life's sweet elixir, as is the belief that magic can still happen. These are the things that keep us vital, young and alive. We never get too old to lose ourselves in a beautiful dream. In fact, when we stop having those beautiful dreams, we risk losing ourselves in getting too old.
Today's Draw: The Rose Key from the Incidental Tarot by Holly DeFount. Do you have someone with whom you connect on a deep level? How often do you get a chance to see them? Is it something you find to be a healing relationship?
Day two of Self Care Week is greeted with the Rose Key, this deck's equivalent to the Ace of Cups. It's about connection... connecting to others. This isn't about superficial connections...chatting with the people next door or at the office. Not that those are always superficial relationships. But what today's card is talking about is the people you can be honest with. The ones you hold nothing back from.
As it turns out, this is Tuesday's entry, but I'm writing it early Monday morning. I'm doing that because I won't have time to write it Monday night. I have a friend I see once a month. Diane. Our visits are part professional, part personal and entirely sacred. Once a month I get a healing session from her at her house. In exchange, I write stuff for her. Or I give her readings. That's the professional part. But that professional part is highly personal, as we each, by way of consulting each other, reveal things that few others know about us.
I'm not ashamed to say Diane is older than me...haha. I know she'll be reading this, so I thought I'd make the point. And the point I'm making is that I've admired her for the entire 15 years I've known her. I've always seen her as a "spiritual elder". She won't take the credit for it, but a lot of people see her that way. She's a beautiful soul and a loyal servant to her beliefs.
Anyway, like I said, we see each other once a month for the healing session, which also includes gabbing, but rarely outside of that. One reason is that she's wildly popular and it's hard to get on her social calendar. Another is that we live about an hour apart. And a third reason is that we're both pretty busy on weekends, me with my teaching and her with the regular ceremonies she hosts. But once a year Diane and I get together, sit by the river, eat crabs and just enjoy each others' company. And that's tonight.
I don't know if I'm typical or not. People generally move in and out of my life and I have a lot of different friends that meet different needs. It's like each has a certain piece of me. But we only hand the most vulnerable pieces over to special people. That's the kind of connection today's card is talking about. It may be your spouse or a sibling or a special friend. And having someone you're relieved to see—someone who is always a soft place to fall or who carefully guides you back into line—is an important part of self care. It's not something you can seek. It's something that grows over time in a relationship between two people equally willing to participate.
Anyway, if you don't have someone like that in your life, look around and see who you can trust. Then slowly open up and start to build that kind of dynamic. Someone has got to trust first, which may as well be you. I say start slowly and see, because for every one person who is right to form this kind of relationship with, there are a hundred that aren't ready to go there. And you don't want to go so far as to tell them about your dreams of nude bubble dancing in the midst of a pygmy tribe while tripping on acid (not that there's anything wrong with that), only to find out they're not worthy of your trust.
When you share your stuff with someone who's trustworthy and doesn't judge, it lifts a burden off your shoulders. It helps you feel understood. You develop an emotional vocabulary you may not have had before. It makes you feel less alone. Enables growth. And creates a sacred bond. It's important to break out of the mundane and just really have a good conversation with someone who gives as good as they get in terms of sharing and emotional accessibility and depth.
By the time you read this, I will probably be just emerging from my crab coma of the night before. Diane and I will have helped each other explore our psyches in our regular healing exchange. And we will have hung like homeys on the edge of some river near Annapolis on a perfect summer's evening, indulging in a rare drink of alcohol, laughing our heads off and wondering why we don't do this more often. And it will be just the self care each of us needed.
Today's Draw: Dreamer Four from Tarot of the Sidhe by Emily Carding. Do you hold yourself up to some version of what and who you should be? Do you find yourself fighting things like aging and life changes, only to find you're fighting an unconquerable beast? Do you give yourself permission to be who and where you are in this very moment?
Self care has been on my mind a lot lately and today's card is prompting me to do an entire week of talk about it. So welcome to Self Care Week!
I don't think I've ever said this here before, but this is the lowest point in my life health wise. It's all my fault. I have nothing wrong with me that I didn't do to myself. It began when I nearly doubled in size, like a yeasty dough, about a decade ago. It was the combination of a number of things. A change in lifestyle from the city to the suburbs...a dog who went lame and couldn't go on walks...depression in the wake of 9/11 and the DC sniper. I just stopped caring.
I remember one day I was holding something I shouldn't eat in my hand and I looked at it said "if I don't stop myself this time, there's no going back." And I didn't stop. Prior to that, I was fit, actively engaged in life, healthy...I got things done. I can't say I was any happier than I am today. I was happier with the way I looked, but I wasn't as connected to my spiritual side. I did a reading a few years back about the spiritual reason as to why I gained weight and I concluded that there were lessons I couldn't have learned as the person I was before. I needed the weight to take me out of the more superficial head I was in at the time.
Anyway, to shorten a story I could go on and on about and get all weepy over—it really does cause me great emotional pain—part of all that extra weight is that I developed sleep apnea. I haven't had a good night's sleep in years. That, combined with its follow-on issues—exhaustion, diabetes, shortness of breath—makes it hard to get through a day, much less go for jaunty hike. So I'm caught in a murky cycle of sleep deprivation and beating myself up over the ensuing depression and difficulty in losing weight and exercising.
And while I view myself as sitting here doing nothing all the time, I still manage to create and teach three classes every month, do all my professional work to my clients' delight, work on a book and write this blog six days a week. When I look at it from that perspective, I'm doing well. But after all that's done, I'm too exhausted to move.
Which leads to today's card—Restoration. For a while, I was beating myself up over taking my daytime naps. It didn't matter that I was only getting a few hours of interrupted sleep each night, I still felt like a bad person for taking a nap when I could be productive. But there comes a time of the day I can't even keep my eyes open anymore. About a year ago, though, I gave myself permission to nap guilt-free. I have plenty of days where I don't nap at all, but most days I do. Recently I consulted a medical intuitive (I have a traditional doctor, too) who said I should nap THREE times a day! Haha. She means 20 minute naps, but it was nice to get the affirmation that I, indeed, needed these naps.
And yes, so I've seen a medical intuitive and am on her program right now to clear out things that are dragging me down. I already feel a little better from that. Good enough that I'm ready to commit the sleep study I've been reluctant to take in order to get this sleep apnea problem taken care of. And maybe from there, I can start to exercise again and lose weight.
We have these images of the way we're supposed to be. And the way we want to be. And the way we should be. And of who we are when we fall terribly short of the mark of all three. I admit that I fall in the trap of all four on a physical level (I should note that I think I'm pretty neat on other other levels) and each of them is like an anvil holding me firmly in place where I am.
Sometimes we just have to accept where we are and work with it before we can move forward. Sometimes we need to be less than we want to be in order to heal or regenerate. When I look at all the energy I've spent beating myself up and feeling guilty—all energy I could have invested back into my own self care—I regret it. I've fought against accepting what is and have paid the price of that in terms of digging myself further into the hole.
While my situation may be different than your own, the same concept works for aging, recovering from surgery, adjusting to new conditions like diabetes or whatever. It also applies to other issues like divorce, job loss, making life changes. All these things can make you struggle with who you want to be, versus who you are in this moment. Beating ourselves up just makes it worse. It won't be until we lay back into the arms of what is and begin to restore ourselves at that level, that we'll gain the strength, will and perspective to begin to see our way out.
Weekend Reading: Seven of Swords from the Rohrig Tarot. One of the more subtle skills to acquire in this lifetime is to know when to keep trying and when to give up. There is honor in both options, but too often we're plagued by "what ifs" and doubts about choosing one of the two options too soon. This weekend you may be faced precisely that challenge—do you try one more time? Or do you just call it a day? This particular episode may be a good time to start developing your own system for checking in with your higher wisdom.
I often do "gut checks" where I state one option to myself on my inhale, then monitor my exhale for signs of butterflies or discomfort in my gut that might indicate it's the wrong option to choose. If my gut relaxes and feels "right", then I know it's the right option to choose. Another option would be to meditate on the situation and see what answers come. Or you could imagine your life continuing in the current direction and see what that looks like. Then imagine it moving in the new direction and see which seems more attractive to you. People who are adept at using pendulums or other divination devices might want to consult their oracles. I know I often have to be reminded I have that option available to me. Or you could just ask yourself, "would I be able to live with myself if I never made the change or chose the other option?" Whatever you decide this weekend, though, know that most decisions can be undone. It may not be easy and, in some cases, it may require another person's buy-in, but sometimes just making a decision—any decision—can be the very solution you've been looking for to end the conflict within.
Today's Draw: The Snake from the Dia de Los Muertos Lenormand. What would you want a stranger seeing when they look at you? What benefits do you see from seeing others as different from you? Has learning about the idea of oneness changed the way you see others at all?
To round out Oneness Week—the week that's all about seeing the similarites in people, rather than the differences—we get the image of the snake. Now, the Lenormand is an oracle deck with its own meanings and traditions. I've recently become interested in this system, so I don't really know it well. And since I'm not a traditional tarot reader, I don't imagine I'll be a traditional Lenormand reader, either.
Traditionally this card is read as betrayal and it's associated also with a dark haired woman. So you could read it as a warning of betrayal, or you could read it as a dark haired woman will enter your life, or you could read it as both. It really just depends on the context and question.
But the way the artist, Edmund Zebrowski, draws it, other thoughts occur to me having to do with Oneness Week. First, snakes mean transformation to me and the two heads facing in opposite directions signals that we all need to do an about face in regards to the way we think of others if anything is going to change in regard to the hate, battling and violence in this world. Moving in the direction of oneness is the way to start.
Another is that the card number is 7, which is the number of the searcher and seeker of truth. This is the person looking for the reality behind a situation. An introvert. A spiritual person. And someone seeking to move away from the gossip, pettiness and dramas of life. In other words, this is someone likely to be reading this blog and also someone suited to make the tough changes that go with oneness consciousness. Of course doing that means also working on some of the drawbacks of 7 energy, which include a tendency to create "truths" more beautiful than reality, operate as if "my way is the right way" and choose detachment over compassion.
But back to the betrayal aspect of the card. One of the important things I want to point out about oneness is that it doesn't mean everyone has to be your friend. First, many of the people we separate ourselves from may be criminals, drama junkies, meanies or whatever. The idea is not to cozy up to them, nor is it to look in the opposite direction like the snake's two heads. The idea is to, instead, look straight at others from a other than the perspective of approval. Then ask:
- Why is this person pushing my "separate from me" button and what can that teach me about myself?
- What is this person mirroring back to me, including aspects I consider both positive and negative?
- What can I see I have in common with this person?
- How can I change my initial "repellant" feelings about this person into compassionate ones?
- What do I think this person sees in me as a result of our interaction in terms I might consider both positive and negative?
Keep in mind that the person pushing your "separate than me" buttons might be someone you admire. I mean, we put people up on pedestals and that's the same thing as putting people in the gutter. For the sake of argument, Angelina Jolie may be taller, more beautiful, richer, more charitable and more universally desired by men than us, but she's no more special than us. We are all born of the same light and we all have paths to walk and we are all special. I mean, I don't see you reading HER blog every day...haha. ;)
In the end, people are people. You can get as spiritual and loving as you want, but others are still going to do what they're going to do...and need to do to walk their path in this lifetime. Some people knowingly allow themselves to get screwed by others as part of their spiritual journey. But that's either too advanced or too stupid for me...haha. Being able to look at others, smile and think "I see you" in the Avatar sense is enough for me. I'm not in an energetic place where I can purposely expose myself to people who seek to hurt without getting hurt. But I can look at them and see "I am that, I am" without feeling a need to denigrate or hate. Well, much of the time. I'm still working on the "denigrate" part.
So anyway, that's how we're rounding out the week. All that's asked of you is to be honest with yourself, see similarities in others and learn from the experience. You don't have to hang with murderers, just understand that they're not so unlike you as you thought. And, if you can, see and feel their pain, because you've probably felt it before to different results. All we need to, if we're up to the task, is try to leave this earth a little more loving and accepting than we found it. The tipping point may not happen in our lifetime and we may never end the cycles of hate, but at least we'll know we've done good work while we're here.
Today's Draw: The Devil from the Nigel Jackson Tarot. Do you believe in the Devil? What external sources of power do you identify with? And how does that separate you from others and your God?
One of the nice things about using different decks every day is that I get to explore some of the decks I've basically looked at and never used. So I discover new and amazing cards. I love this Devil card. The colors are so intense and beautiful!
So it's Day Four of Oneness Week, the week that's all about seeing the similarities in others, rather than the differences...the week of seeing ourselves reflected in the sparkle of 8 billion sets of eyes.
In Biblical terms, the Devil is an angel whose pride and arrogance got him turned out of the kingdom of heaven. When we're arrogant enough to see ourselves as superior to anyone or anything, we turn ourselves away from God, too. Because God is in all those things we're "too good" to align with. We betray our God because we place ourselves above the things he has brought into this world.
I've really not mentioned this except in passing, but oneness includes all things, not just people. When we disrespect natural resources, we're disrespecting the soul of God. I believe they are here for all living beings to use, but in a sustainable way. And when we disrespect the creatures of this earth, we disrespect our fellow animals. Our arrogance alone is what tells us that humans are somehow different from all the creatures on this planet. Science certainly doesn't support that belief. Scientifically speaking, we're just another species. Somehow we manage to forget that.
At the root of the Devil card is a thirst for power and status that is externally identified, aka ego. By that, I mean considering money, rank or title—things outside of yourself—as a measure of your power. Devil/ego energy strips the individual of their self-identified power and chains them to measures of power they have no control over. Once chained to external means of power, our individual and god-given power wanes and we become the devil's puppets.
In fact, the first step in the Devil's "grooming" is separating you from the infinite power of God/Source/Universe. Each time you identify with external sources, such as money, drugs, sex and other "pleasures of the flesh", you move further from God. Unlike traditional religious teachings, however, I believe you're free to enjoy all of these things. You're also able to seek the rush of endorphins they offer by means that exist within yourself, such as meditation, self love and moments of transcendence. It's when you turn yourself over to these things that the devil works his way in. It's when you value those things over yourself and god that you become chained to the devil.
FYI, I'm not a believer in the actual Devil, I'm talking about the card here and the principle behind it. In the tarot, the Devil is more Pan-like than Satan-like anyway. Following the idea of oneness, nothing is separate from us, so our devil is within, just as our god is. And that's another aspect of this card. Also, I'm speaking to you philosophically here from the standpoint of beliefs that make sense to me. It's ok if you believe differently. The whole point of this blog is to put out thoughts that evoke spiritual- and self-examination, not to bring you around to my way of thinking.
Anyway, bringing the discussion back around again, seeing others as separate is a way of a) seeing yourself separate from God and b) seeking external identification of power (in the sense that being "better than" them is your source of power.) Authentic power comes from the self-identified confidence of knowing you're good and powerful and wonderful without anyone needing to be bad and weak and terrible in the process. Authentic power comes not from comparing yourself to others, but from knowing you are the light of god in human form. Same as everyone else. And their light is of no threat to yours.
Today's Draw: Two of Wands from the Art of Life Tarot. Are you sometimes impulsive about the way you think about others? Do you find yourself "sizing people up" the minute you meet them? How can you change the way you think about others to be even more inclusive than you already are?
It's Day 3 of Oneness Week (which by the way, can be tongue twisting if you say it multiple times fast) and the Art of Life is going to make it easy on us. First, oneness is a term about seeing yourself in others...seeing the similarities in all others, rather the differences. Over the past two days you've done a lot of soul searching and seen how certain ways you've been thinking add to the very issues you abhor in this world. If you don't believe me, go back and read the entries. We all agreed it's all YOUR fault. :D
So now that we've determined that, what do we do about it? Well, the Art of Life has an answer for us with a quote from J. P. Morgan:
"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are."
Simple, but profound.
So that's our first step—to make a decision to not continue seeing others as separate from us, whether they're criminals, movie stars or a little of both. And the second step is hidden in the Wands aspect of the cards which, by the way, all three of our cards this week have been.
Among other things, wands are about passion and impulse control. So now that you've recognized "certain types of people" that annoy you or that you label with unflattering terms, stop...haha. When you see yourself going down that path, re-adjust your thoughts. See the other as you. List all the things you have in common. Put your passionate side aside and see them as they ARE...360 degrees, and not just the angle it's convenient to see them from in order to make yourself the one who's superior in the dynamic.
For example, maybe you hate "people who complain all the time" and consider yourself separate from them. Set aside the fact that complaining about people who complain all the time makes you a complainer. We won't even go into that. But consider that they're human like you. They want a happy life, like you. Maybe they have kids like you, and have the same dreams for those children as you. They have good taste for furniture, like you....etc. See how it works? You stop the negative thought about the person and see them as yourself. They're really just like you except that they complain about things....while you silently swallow the poison of that which annoys you without comment...haha.
We've all developed habits over a lifetime of thinking in terms of good and evil, mean and nice, valuable and worthless, black and white, smart or stupid....dualistic thinking where you're either one or the other. Further, we tend to see ourselves as the favorable one, while the other one is less favorable. Someone cuts us off in traffic and they're rude, arrogant, SOBs who probably kick their dogs, right? Well, maybe they're just like you, but with a bit of a control issue that you don't have at all, because you tried everything in your power, short of wrecking the car, to keep him out of your lane and he still barged in anyway, control-hungry SOB. Controlling people are the worst!
The truth is, none of us are good OR bad. We're all shades of gray. And while there are shades and tints, gray is gray. The prisons are full of people a couple shades more desperate than you are. Forbes billionaire's list is filled with people a couple shades more resilient than you are. The Westbrook Baptist Church is filled with people a couple of shades more closed minded than you are. There are situations in life in which you're desperate, resilient and closed minded and all things desirable and repulsive. Some hover closer to the poles on the dualistic scales than others. But none of us walks through this life being entirely one thing or the other. And if we've consciously put forth effort to get closer to a more desirable behavior, then we really can't judge anyone who's not quite "there" yet.
Whether "monster" or "angel", we're all the very same spirit in human form, just with different lessons to learn and paths to walk in this incarnation. And everyone that crosses your path is there to help you on your path and reflect back a part of yourself you may be in denial of.
These principles and the idea of oneness isn't something you master overnight. I've been working on it for years and there are still people I see as separate from me...there are still groups I struggle with. That said, over time, I've swallowed some very big pills and accepted people into my heart and my self awareness (but not my life...this isn't about being besties with everyone) that I haven't really wanted to. But that's when you know you're reaching beyond and learning a lesson.
What it's all about is a mantra exercise I mentioned a couple of weeks back. When Moses asked God his name, he said "I am that I am". And the mantra exercise goes like this...you identify yourself as everything and everyone you see. "I am that tree, I am." And by that, perhaps you embody the similarity of the tree's ability to bend with the wind with your own, for example. "I am that stream, I am (because we both flow with life's direction.)" "I am that traffic cutter-offer, I am (because sometimes I interrupt others when they don't want me to.)" See how it works? There is common ground everywhere you look. And when there's common ground, nothing is separate from you.
